Confessions of a Confused Mind

Long few days

2011-10-27T15:42:00.001-04:00

Haven't slept too much. My mom is ok though so thats one thing off my mind.

I need a vacation.

Feelin super today

2011-10-21T14:43:00.000-04:00

Well today is looking up. Things are better with the man. I don't get men. And I probably never will but hey. Breakfast was nice. And Lunch was nice too. I won't get to see my sexy man for a couple of days but at least we are OK on day three of the new regime of working out. Its going well. Belly dance is kicking me right in the belly. My stomach feel like I been punched repeatedly. Totally worth the pain. I will be measuring and getting on the scale after a week. I hope something has happened. Something good. Like 5 gone. that would be awesome. But anything down is good.

A little birdie told me

2011-10-19T11:33:00.001-04:00

As I sit here listening to your words fall from someone else's mouth about how I am just not worth it. It.. the aggravation of dealing with me on the daily. Well excuse me. The least you could have done was say something to me. to my fucking face. Don't spend another day looking at me asking if something is wrong with me. Buddy at that point I didn't even know you had thrown me to the fucking curb. I guess Im just here now waiting on the memo you cowardly sorry sot. Got to be some kind of record. From love of his life to the straw that broke the camels back in less then 48 hours. Gifted I am. Whatever. As I sit and wait for the other shoe to drop. Or for me to get tired of it and throw it in his face. I guess this little non relationship has about a 4 day shelf life left. less if he actually calls or anything like that. but Im not expecting anything but a long pause. Then I call to say whats wrong you just aren't talking to me anymore. then his lame ass late as fuck "Im just not feeling you right now, can't we just be friends with benefits". Fuck you and the bus you rode in on.

2011-10-12T11:40:00.001-04:00

Technical difficulties can get you killed.

After 4 days of waiting for my "call back" I wasn't going to pick up the phone. someone called my work phone from a number I didn't recognise so I called him again. First words out of his mouth after I broke down and called were, took you long enough. I was like. WTF I been calling you for 4 days. I wasn't even going to call today at all. He was like. what babe you know I ain't blah blah blah. Broken Sim card blah blah blah. Would have gotten your number from Matt but his daughter broke his phone blah blah blah. Well damn I mean really I know that it sounds plausible that everyone in the same house was having technical difficulties but OH MAN I still want to stab him little. But I am glad that he didn't roll out without a word to me. That shit has happened once and I still can't get over it. Damn we all have our baggage. I just wish mine wasn't all about me feeling useless, worthless, and unwanted. I mean fuck I am great. Why do I need to have these feelings. Who is this evil little voice inside me. That fucker needs a pimp slap.

Hump day

2011-10-12T08:44:00.001-04:00

Well Wednesday is here. I am stuck her while the heads of families go off to my cousin's funeral delaying the results of my moms biopsy. She is unworried. Me. I am stressed beyond belief and can't sleep, am having intestinal difficulties and constant nausea. only got to wait till next Wednesday for it to be any better. I feel a cake-a-thon coming on. so much for loosing weight.

ITs a day

2011-10-11T14:34:00.001-04:00

Really sometimes you wake up and get the feeling that the joke is on you. I have had the my life is a joke feeling before. But here it comes again. My mom is now waiting to find out if she has cervical cancer. I don't have the resources for this nor do I have the energy to go through loosing a parent, maybe I never will. The I get to find out a close relitive on my mothers side passed away last week and the funeral is day after tomorrow. I can't go as I had to use all my vacation time to have hours on my pay check while my company was cyber fucked for a week straight. Today I've been at my desk going between silent crying and dozing off. So I am going to take my ass home and do the same.

Time marches on

2011-10-11T08:29:00.001-04:00

Winter is coming. Halloween fast approaches, and Christmas is right around the corner. The year is slipping by. Still walking a mile to the bus in the evenings and any morning I can't get a ride. All that extra walking and I have gained weight.Well I guess I'm all ready for hibernation.

Moving through the day

2011-08-19T17:58:00.001-04:00

As I sit here moving through the day. I am struck at how easily it is to get discouraged by things in life.

Oddities of life

2011-08-17T10:41:00.000-04:00

Confrontation with my ex had me crying at the train station. So the guy who I thought was going to not have time to deal with my crazy ass comes through in a major way. He happened to call and came to the train station to give me a hug so I could feel better. And to tell me he needed me, not to do things for him but just needed me near him. Wanted me and that he was sorry he couldn't communicate his feelings before now. Not to say that either of us are perfect but that we can work on ourselves and us together.

So today I decided that I am going to blogg about my journey in all this. I have been reading the book The Passion Test. I am about on page 90 of 280 or so right. I have had more revelations of self then when reading any other book. I plan to finish my first read of the book and then me and my best friend are going to do all the self exploration exercises in there. I want to know what the hell it is I am supposed to be doing. I am good and a lot of things. but I have never been able to hold onto a passion. Or even know what my passion is. I have a sneaking suspicion that I have always given up on my current dream as soon as anyone told me I shouldn't, couldn't, or that they didn't like it. I am very susceptible to negative influence apparently.

I feel oddly light today. Not that i have lost weight. but my mind doesn't feel bogged down by self doubt. Working on happy seams to agree with me.

The big joke

2011-08-11T06:18:00.001-04:00

Sometimes i get tired of being told to be thankful for being awakened in the morning to a terrible life. makes you feel like life's just a joke

very strange days

2011-08-04T16:15:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I think the universe is testing me. So now I sit in limbo with a man I want. I don't mean I care for him. No I want him. to be happy and prosperous with or without me. I love this man. This oddly independent man who doesn't need me. I dont' know how to deal with a man who doesn't need me. How do you fit into some one's life who knows they don't need you. Well outside the bedroom that is. Can it all be based around our physical need for each other. I have no clue. question is can we work out a partnership based on mutual respect and feelings. I just don't know. I know I hate being without him. He reminds me to be grateful, not by saying anything, but just by being him. I feel taken care of even when he isn't doing anything. I feel understood even when I am not speaking. I feel loved by every look and rejoice in the touch of his skin.

No words

2011-08-01T11:51:00.001-04:00

There are no words to describe the feeling. empty doesn't cover it, hollow doesn't encompass it, tired is in there in its on measure, too hard to keep going when your thought and feelings are stuck caught on the harsh reality that you are alone lonely and in way prepared for this reality. Haven't not spent more then a week single since the 5 or 6th grade its kind of a change to be single after being told you just aren't worth it. What the fuck is that supposed to mean. I am not worth it. Not to say I every thought a man would take a bullet for me or anything but apparently I am not worth the usual relationshit bother. Fuckers are always ready to jump for a booty call but that's all I will every be to most men cause I am not worth the bother. Fuck you all. This fucking shop is closed. That's right celibacy is staring me in the eye and guess what. Its starting to look pretty fucking good after all this bullshit. Nope I have never been the booty call type. And guess what I am worth too much to sit back and have my heart played with by some sorry ass mother fuckers who just want to get their dicks wet. So sorry that my self esteem isn't gone enough to be used by yall pieces of shit but sorry my momma didn't raise no fuck whore for you to have a good time with. Go to hell and back and maybe you will know whats up.

Its just a trick

2011-08-01T11:05:00.001-04:00

Whenever there is a bunch of things that seam to be "good" things going on in life. Its just a trick. Its the trick to get you open to hope again. All that does is cripple you when the rug is pulled out from under you. Which if history has taught us anything its that that rug is temporary and there is no bright side. Just a dismal life filled with shit. No wonder Christianity does so well. its all about getting through the struggle of life to get to your "rewards" in the afterlife. What if that's just what was put in place to placate the masses and there are the shining few who know the truth out there somewhere that this is as good as it gets and we should have all been working on making this life better. But we didn't.

Fucker

2011-08-01T08:29:00.001-04:00

why is it when some fuck dumps you everyone feels like its their fucking business. its hard enough going from never been dumped to 2 in 2 months. YA catching up like an Olympic runner. NOT! This may not be the worse birthday ever but it is damn sure close.

Its another fine monday

2011-07-25T07:45:00.001-04:00

Hot outside already and its 6 in the morning when I am beginning this post.

After a weekend of not too crappy I'm back at work. By not too crappy I mean a visit from the hated auntie and sitting in bed watching movies. Life is kinda boring right now. but I am catching up on all the movies I missed 2007-2010. Some of them weren't bad but the disaster movies mostly all sucked. I have an fully empty DVR this morning as well. Falling Sky's TOTAL PASS!!!! they are great. I love the harnessed kids. Depression running pretty much rampant even with medication. So right now its all about not watching anything sad. So I have sworn off the Lifetime Movie network till its over. Also watermelon Ice Cream isn't the same. But colder. Random happy thought - Purple People Eater

Cheated

2011-07-18T12:17:00.001-04:00

That's all hope is. Its the promise that lays out in front of you. Your mind begins to make plans and dream of "how it could be". then it all fails and you are cheated out of it all. Usually with little to no warning. Your mind is ripped out of the thought that anything is going to be fine. There is really no use to keeping up the charade. living without hope is just easier. I don't need fantastic men showing up just to slap me in the face with the "you aren't good enough". when what they mean is. you are fine to wet my dick but you aren't good enough for me to care. And the next bitch who say "when you are pretty its easy" I am going to fuck that bitch up. You know what being pretty has got me. I been used as a trophy. chased for conquest and left cause "you're not the kind for a relationship" apparently women think pretty women have all the men and all the men think pretty woman are going to fuck their friends. I feel lost and really wish I had stuck with my usual and kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. When you are waiting for it it hurts a little less... .... ... a little. But when you give in and start to believe the hype and buy into the shit that's when they get you really good. Then you find yourself sitting in bed in the dark wasting a Sunday on bad movies and a huge bag of chips. I will be fine but I will never again buy into the shit. Not as long as I live breath. There really is no reason to even believe any man's hype at this age.

And its a wrap

2011-07-18T11:49:00.001-04:00

I am here. about to turn 31 in a week or so and I am back where I was when I was 23 and fresh out of college. Single, living with my mother, broke..... Oh wait no I am worse off then when I was at 23 I am making 12 an hour instead of 21 and I have no transportation but the bus. So nice of life to back step for me. Now I sit spinning my wheels as I have no Idea how to deal with all this. Looks like another birthday from the bottom of a bottle.

How to spend lotto money

2011-07-13T10:46:00.001-04:00

Cash that check. Pay every bill in full that can be found consulting credit history to make sure I get every single bill.

Then rent a car hauler and a driver

drive up the highway and purchase used cars for everyone.

Mom

Dad

Man

Brothers - 4

Sisters - 2

Contact local realtor who specializes in foreclosures.

buy everyone a house

Mom

Dad

Man

Brothers - 4

Sisters - 2

Donate all my sensible work clothes and shoes to Dress For Success

Get local workers, movers, handymen, plumbers, and contractors to refit houses and make renovations.

Well life

2011-07-12T15:48:00.001-04:00

Well life is just going right along.

low paying job... but employed.

living in a basement hole.... but I have a roof over my head.

chicken every night.... but I have food on the table.

stuck between a rock and a hard place.... but not falling into the chasm.

All in all I don't have what I want but can be thankful that i am not as bad off as I could be.

you know what

2011-07-06T16:21:00.001-04:00

Sometimes you have to sit back and think really hard to find anything to be happy about thankful for or feel good about. I woke up this morning. I am healthy enough to walk the 3/4 mile to get to my job from the bus. And todays bus had aircondisioning. I have a job. My parents are still with me. My family is relitivly healthy. Thank you for small blessings.

Well I might be crazy but I warn everyone coming in

2011-06-30T15:59:00.001-04:00

There really are no words for the fact that a much of strangers got to see me kirk out today. I mean I have more then quadrupled the number of people alive who have seen me cry in my life in one horrid morning. FML

This morning I had the biggest mood swing of my life. I went from screaming vehement anger to broke down crying cause nothing was ever going to be good again. And I would be damned if someone was going to tell me to calm down or that it wasn't a big deal.... the car rental people messed up my reservation. No its not that big a deal but in the middle of the mood swing EVERYTHING is a big deal. So I guess I made it though a winter without needing them. But moving in with my family and being busted back to the state I was in when I was 18 really needs the little blue pills. I have been thinking about it a minute the muscle pain has been getting worse not better as the weather warmed this year. Happy this is going to be a long weekend. I will take the time to ramp up onto the little blues and feel better about life in general next week.

What a difference an evening makes

2011-05-06T13:30:00.001-04:00

OK maybe sometimes when a man says its not that I just have to take care of some stuff. He may mean that shit. got off work on time for a change so I could go get pampered. Just what the doctor ordered. Yes please sit there and give me a body rub for then entire evening. I am all about that. This is why I can't stop talking about this man. what the fuck I am done. He opens doors, wants me to spend time with his friends, makes me lay the fuck down and just chill the fuck out. he calms me. oh yeah ladies and gentlemen we are all about the M I C K E Y!!! Oh Mickey you're so fine. My Mickey. damn he does put me out like a mickey. drowning and panties on the floor. LMFAO.

Wanted:

2011-05-05T09:33:00.001-04:00

man who

listens to me, who I can listen to
cares for me and I can care about
is a part of my life and will want me to be a part of his
makes me want to be a better me
encourages me and accepts encouragement from me
believes in my dreams, will will trust me with his
tolerates my friends at a minimum
can communicate his likes and dislikes to me effectively
listens
I can believe in
wants to be mine
Understands me
feels my crazy is an asset
likes to go have fun outside
enjoys cruises
is as mean as me
wants to be a team in life
is not a spectator of life
wants to be a better person
can cook or is willing to clean up after I do
can do laundry and does
can keep a bathroom in good shape

day two

2011-05-04T14:08:00.001-04:00

Well second full day of being cut off from 1. Well I am alive and not crying. so thats something. in the mean time i am having a ball with my mickey. but he is leaving town here soon. suck a bunch of the bad luck. I guess it will be up to jock to pick u p the slack.

Well if the roster wasn't so full I would be shit out of luck this week. why are so many men so afraid of a little biology. it happens every damn month and every month its like a ghost town in my place. Damn you could at least have dinner with a bitch while she feels crappy. Not that my mickey is leavin town cause of that he is working. thats just bad luck. but that first one who abandons me every fucking month. what the fuck!

ripped weekend

2011-05-02T12:10:00.001-04:00

see sometimes you got to look up and ask the universe "why you playin with me". this shit ain't cute. why is it that when I get over a dude and try to move on. that's when they want to give a fuck and talk about how much they care about you for you and love you. BLAH BLAH BULLSHIT. This mofo took 2 months to get around to that shit. I am not sure what he thinks I am supposed to do with the info. Though the polish selections were awesome. The man does have good taste. And at the moment he is asking for weekend time only so I may see about it. I don't know. Fudgywudgy - ok so the Lion is pissed about that thought altogether. but I am not sure that I still want to be part of the pride. The costs are kinda high and I am not really good at checking in and shit like that I have never been to jail so I am not good at having a warden.

OK

2011-04-28T12:14:00.001-04:00

Trying to make it through the day with NO MOTIVATION sucks a bunch. Well I am going to get through this day and get the fuck out a little early. Find me a man to put on my bruised feelings and go on about my week. thank all that is holy and good that tomorrow is Friday. I am not sure I could take anymore days this week.

wasted

2011-04-28T10:26:00.001-04:00

I am not sure there is anything wrong with my issue. maybe it is the fact that I am supposed to think something is wrong with me. I have never met a man I want to have children with. I have never met a man who I wanted to have around to eternity. I have never met a man who made me blissfully happy. Never been so happy I cried. Never been filled with the joy of a man's love. I have been forgotten, unappreciated, neglected, marginalized, abused and made to feel like I wasn't enough. Where is that fucker. That bastard ass piece of a prince that the stories all say is coming. Well where the fuck is he. He is late... probably dead.

Not that i haven't been wanted. Being wanted is a nice substitute for love. but it doesn't last. Because it is based in parts and portions. so ya you think I'm hot sexy. Guess what You ain't along. every niggah in the club thinks I look fucking smoking in this mini.

Someone who truly cares. Calls you if you haven't called. comes to check on you when you are sick. Calls you if your facebook post just seamed "a little off". Nope none of that here. And I get to sit and watch all these average and ugly women happy and blissfully supported by men who actually look at them like they are the world. A man who loves them flaws and all.

Puzzled by the process. have never maybe will never find someone

Missing

2011-04-26T10:51:00.001-04:00

Well now isn't this a fine predicament. been in this thing for 3 years as his chick on the side. Wow let a change begin and a motherfucker will jump ship like no clue. What I am not allowed to have a primary relationship that I put first. Yes that does mean above your ass. You are living with another woman. I mean really do you think that i can take a commitment to you into consideration. Let me spell it out to you. You can not have a primary relationship at home and another one in the streets. No that still makes me the girl on the side. I mean I have no complaints about the perks of the position but there will not be any stupidity on my part thinking that I will be more to you ever. I am not stupid, young, foolish, or naive. You can try that story on the next one. Time well spent is never regretted. but staying too long can be a bitch on the psyche.

Monday again

2011-04-25T13:48:00.001-04:00

Monday is here again. I am tired as all get out. But it was a good weekend. I didn't get to work at all but hey what are my evenings for anyway right. looks like i will be at work 12 hours a day for a while at least.

Woot vitamins.

Had another great weekend starting on thursday again. I think I may be addicted to a man again. what the hell. why can't i just put my mind on me some time. of well.

My room is spotless my kitchen is clean and my laundry is sorted into bags by wash type. I am at least on top of my house work. So I guess I am not loosing myself into this one as bad, which is good. Today we will try to get our hair done or at least dealt with. Then tomorrow begins Laundripalooza.

so bored and ready for tuesday.

Wow that was a good stop to the shit

2011-04-20T09:39:00.001-04:00

OK so the shit storm stopped with the death of a good friend. In the midst of it all I end up in the arms of a guy who used to be just a friend of years. kinda wonderful guy. shorter then i am usually attracted to, but any guy who finds you a headband to hold your hair while you throw up from the depressive bender, then proceeds to stay with you for a couple of days to make sure his boo is ok. Well its a new kinda odd start after a couple of disasters. Wow. really just wow of how ugly shit can get. Things had me so stressed I spent the first night waking up from nightmares about pain death and fear. Lots of fear. Johnny you are my superman. coming out of that shit to calm gentleness puts your mind back to reality gently. Reality where no one is hurting me or my people. Reality where I am safe and warm and cared for. I slept for 30 hours with that man. And I do mean slept. Like I was in a coma. Wake eat potty then back to the warm sleep cloud. never been cuddled that good in my life. I feel rejuvenated and just a little sleepy if you can believe that.

Well if it aint raining

2011-04-14T08:35:00.001-04:00

Another friend to bury.

Short walk in the rain

2011-04-12T13:13:00.001-04:00

At least it was a short walk in the rain when my car broke down this morning. Oh yeah. I am not feeling this. I have been stuck in so many shit storms it just feels like that is the normal for my life. If something isnt going horribly wrong you aren't looking in on my day. It does get to be too much though.

Well its another day at work,

2011-04-10T10:21:00.001-04:00

Why am I hiding at work. Well my dating life has been so bad lately I have contemplated just batting for the other team till I can get my shit together enough for a man to be bothered. What the fuck. People are supposed to be perfect or at least be perfectly happy about their situation. Guess what some of use are bitter about their situation. And constantly being told its wrong doesn't help the feeling. Constantly being told you are too negative doesn't help me feel any better about the day. I don't know how to be positive. No correction I don't know how to take the daily disappointment of being positive. at least if I am expecting the worst I get to be pleasantly surprised when something good happens.

Thoughts

2011-04-08T13:42:00.001-04:00

why is it men profess to not want a slut. but if you don't sleep with them on the first date you never hear from them again. Well isn't this a fine ass chunk of shit we are stuck with. What they should say is they don't want a woman who is slutting it around with everyone just someone who will be their slut. What the hell. I am so sick of that shit. i am not stuck up cause i won't suck your little dick when I meet you. what the fuck. I give up. I am really done looking for Mr. Nice Guy cause him and all his nice guy friends are DEAD!

New favorite song

2011-04-08T11:22:00.001-04:00

"When You're Mad"

By Ne-yo

It's just the cutest thing
When you get to fussing (cussing)
Yelling and throwing things
I just wanna eat you up
I don't mean no disrespect
When I start staring
Knowing that it makes you madder (uh, oh)
I'm sorry but seeing you mad is so sexy

[Hook]
Could it be the little wrinkle over your nose
When you make your angry face
That makes me wanna just take off all your clothes
And sex you all over the place
Could it be the lil' way you storm around
That makes me wanna tear you down
Baby, I ain't sure, but one thing that I do know is

[Chorus]
Every time you scream at me
I wanna kiss you
Baby when you put your hands on me
I wanna touch you
And when we get to arguing
Just gotta kiss you
Baby, I don't know why it's like that
But you're just so damn sexy
When you're mad

Baby, don't think I don't take you seriously
But I just can't help the fact that your attitude excites me (so exciting)
And you know ain't nothing better
Then when we get
Mad together and have angry sex (I'll blow you out)
Then we forget what we were mad about

[Hook]
Could it be the little wrinkle over your nose
When you make your angry face
That makes me wanna just take off all your clothes
And sex you all over the place
Could it be the lil' way you storm around
That makes me wanna tear you down
Baby, I'm not sure, but one thing that I do know is

[Chorus 2x]
Every time you scream at me
I wanna kiss you
Baby when you put your hands on me
I wanna touch you
And when we get to arguing
Just gotta kiss you
Baby, I don't know why it's like that
But you're just so damn sexy

Every time you scream at me
I wanna kiss you
Baby when you put your hands on me
I wanna touch you
And when we get to arguing
Just gotta kiss you
Baby, I don't know why it's like that
But you're just so damn sexy
When you're mad

Changing times

2011-04-08T09:32:00.001-04:00

Sometimes things in your life that seam like a stable force are really the leash tying you to a big pile of shit. But you can live without it. so you remain stuck dragged down and back every day. I wish I was strong enough to do it all but I am not. Can't be

Past it all

2011-04-07T15:07:00.001-04:00

Well it doesn't matter what is thought. it doesn't matter what is said. shit works out like it always does. I'm just glad I have learned something in all the time I have been here and brought my ass home. I knew you were full of shit. I feel into that crap again cause its so nice to listen to the good words as you flow um in my direction. The picture is always to great and comes down to the fact that you aren't ever actually into me. Yeah you and every other nigga on the planets trying to get his dick wet. Fuck it all. I am tired of fighting the shit. I am tired of having to feel like i am not enough for anyone good enough to be loved or to have the truth told to me. i guess in that past life I was a bad person and I don't know how to correct the stain on my soul the whole world can apparently see

NEW MAN PROBLEMS

2011-04-07T11:25:00.001-04:00

Don't tell me I can have everything I want. I want a lot. Don't tell me you are OK with how I do what I do and are willing to enable it. Shit. How am I supposed to keep my footing here.

I don't have time to be falling for some man.

February 15th

2011-02-15T15:14:00.001-05:00

And yes we had a not great Valentine's day itself as our other had to work and so was unable to visit But we did get a great stop in on Sunday the 13th. Good friends good food and my man stopped in to take me shopping. Total treat and surprise to boot.

I got a killer pair of shoes a nightie set and a pound of new panties. Very nice.

I would have to say that is number Three. Three being the number of good valentines day gifts I have had. Two of those have come from the same man. The current record holder.

12:29pm same shit friday

2011-02-11T12:49:00.001-05:00

Well yes we have it people. the truth about why all "African American women" are without good companionship. According to this bitch "Khadija Nassif" we should all learn to be vulnerable because men want to take care of us... What the fuck ever. Do you know any stay at home moms who are black NO YOU DON'T because we are all making the money to support ourselves and our entire family. Why you may ask... well according to this person, and I use that term lightly here, because we are trying to hold onto black men... Guess what foolish woman but I have been dating white men and hispanic men and black men since I could date; iincluding my white husband. and no it didn't get me a man who wanted to take care of me and raise a family, No hasn't made me any less an angry black women. if anything it has made me worse. because unlike most of my sisters I know the truth. All men no matter their race don't care anymore. They do nothing but take and take till you have nothing left to give anymore and so either they will leave you or you will leave them. And unlike Ms Nassif I don't think that we as black women should try to emulate asain women cause all men seam to like them. I don't give a flying fuck about trying to live my life subservient to anyone. Relationships used to be about companionship and going through life together. now this bitch tells me that I need to be someones servant to be worthy of being loved and cared for.

I think it is in the difference of how we perceive life. Life is a struggle and you want your equal to go trough life with. To bad there really aren't too many men black or otherwise who are as strong as a black woman. Blame it on slavery and the tendency that any strong willed black man was killed at the first sign of be uncontrollable. Blame it on the media, where the "angry black woman" is demonized and belittled. blame it on popular culture.... whoever you dicide to blame it doesn't matter to me... because I am an Angry Black Woman and I am proud to be. Funny how history overlooks meek black women but angry ones start revolutions and change. If Ms. Parks hadn't had her angry black woman pantis on that day I would still be sitting in the back of the bus.

So to all my angry sisters out there black white asain or otherwise. Hold onto yourself build your pride to shield you from the shit the world throws our way. And keep on dodging these halfwitted bitched out there telling the world there is somthing wrong with us.... THERE ISN'T We jsut do our thing a little differently.

9:15am shit friday

2011-02-11T09:37:00.001-05:00

Surrounded By Inconsiderate Mother Fuckers

I awoke today to what I thought would be the most inconsiderate fuck of my day... Oh yeah I was wrong and it is only 9 in the god damn morning. My roommate who insists that the house be quiet till 10 in the morning started blasting some shitty show at 8:20 this fucking morning. I mean really is you are going to force other people to have high levels of considerations to you everyfuckingday maybe you would like to adhere to those "rules" your damn self... But I guess not its fine to inconvenience the rest of the damn world as long as you can get your beauty sleep right... FUCK OFF.

So I leave for work an hour early to keep from killing the bitch and off to Starbucks..... cause coffee makes things better. Hope it will kill of my fucking migraine but I doubt it. the people in there were great the girl got my drink right and I am off to feeling like the morning is going to be better.

So I'm off getting my jam on with the radio.. To my utter annoyance some old fuck is now in front of me gesturing at me through his fucking window and slowing way the fuck down. Guess what The world doesn't revolve around you you geriatric fucker. No one was talking to you I was singing with the radio trying to get my day back on a happy note and you fucked 5 miles of single lane traffic for 9 count them 9 cars behind you. FUCK OFF.

So I am now at work 45 minutes early. Thank god there are only two morning people at this company and they have been condition to know that a grunt mean Hi how you doing and they leave you the fuck alone till your coffee kicks in. And as it is Friday there are some people who don't work today. Though I wouldn't trade weekend work to get Fridays off. I don't get that one.

So here I am at work trying to swallow the shit that was my morning. Really people can we all just treat others with the same shit we want them on heap on us. I am at a real impasse in my mind as to why people want to deal out shit and get roses. I have spent my life doing what was expected and what was necessary to make others lives happy and what the fuck ever. no one is doing that for me. Not once not ever. It has always been my lot to have to sit and just take whatever the fuck people dealt out at me. I am tired of it.

sometimes you have to hate your life

2011-01-22T00:04:00.001-05:00

if you never hate your life and feel like shit every day for a while how do you know when something good comes along.

New Favorite song

2010-12-27T20:36:00.001-05:00

All the things your man won't do

by joe

Hey love
You say you need someone
To be there for you
To love you all night long huh
It's kinda funny but
I don't think you have to look no further
Because I'm right here
And I'm ready
To do all the things your man won't do

Tell me what kind of man
Would treat his woman so cold
Treat you like you're nothin'
When you're worth more than gold

Girl to me you're like a diamond
I love the way you shine
A hundred million dollar treasure
I'll give the world to make you mine

[La, la, la, la, la]
I'll put a string a pearls right in your hand
Make love on a beach of jet black sand
Outside in the rain we can do it all night
Out to tour the places he would not
And some you never knew would get you hot
Nothin' is forbidden when we touch

Baby, I wanna do
All of the things your man won't do
I'll do them for you (Whoa)
Baby, I wanna do (Hey)
All of (All of) the things your man won't do (Every little thing)
I'll do them for you (Yeah)

I'll take you out on a night cruise
On a yacht, just can't lose
�Cause we got a lot to look forward to
1-2, what ya gonna do
What good is a diamond nobody can see it
I hear he got you on lock down
But I got the master key, yeah

[La, la, la, la, la]
I'll light a thousand candles all around
Show me to the subway, I'll go down
Nothin' can be sweeter than the sound of makin' love
Baby, when I start I just can't stop
I'll love you from the bottom to the top
Nothin' is forbidden when we touch

Baby (Baby), I wanna do (Hey...)
All of the things your man won't do (Every little)
I'll do them for you (Ooh...)
Baby, I wanna do (I wanna do, yeah)
All of the things your man won't do (Oh)
I'll do them for you (Yeah)

And oh...oh...yeah...yeah...oh, yeah
Oh

[La, la, la, la, la]
I'll light a thousand candles all around
Show me to the subway, I'll go down
Nothin' can be sweeter than the sound of makin' love
Baby, when I start I just can't stop
I'll love you from the bottom to the top
Nothin' is forbidden when we touch, ooh , yeah

Baby, I wanna do (Oh)
All of the things your man won't do (I'm gonna, I'm gonna, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)
I'll do them for you (Ho)
Baby (Baby), I wanna do (I wanna do)
All of the things your man won't do (And oh, yeah)
I'll do them for you

Ooh, I got a jones in my bones for you
There ain't a damn thing that I won't do
I'll make your body cream with my sex machine
I won't stop until I hear your mother scream

Baby, I wanna do (I wanna do)
All of the things your man won't do (Whoa, oh, oh, ho, ah, yeah, yeah, hmm)
I'll do them for you
Baby, I wanna do (Wanna do)
All of the things your man won't do (Yeah, whoa...whoa...)
I'll do them for you (I wanna do it for you, baby)

Baby, I wanna do
All of the (Oh, whoa) things your man won't do
I'll do them for you
Baby (Oh, yeah), I wanna do
All of the things your man won't do (Oh, yeah, oh, yeah)
I'll do them for you

Baby, I wanna do
All of the things your man won't do
I'll do them for you

To the Max

2010-12-23T23:28:00.001-05:00

What the hell. You really really like them. you aren't trying to wear them. its about me in them...

WOOTY WOOT WOOT,,,, oh but you won't... cause I have a...

But you will do that thing I love... not as often as I would like...

you do care.. about... for... maybe....

I don't have a place here.... competing with the art. fleeting...

Gone to soon, but here now... february will be lonely.

the thought that I should be better circles me. eats my confidence and so I am quiet. soft spoken... unsure.

your touch screams in my ears and deafens me. contact thorough searing away bringing moisture.

All to for about with me. its me. Its all me. hard soft push pull. a dream yearning my fancy.

Why is it that I can't have you forever.

ode to Daddy

2010-12-23T23:17:00.000-05:00

You are there for me always. Even when I am at my worst. If I can call with a problem between work hours monday through friday.

You make me feel like Im the bestest little girl ever. Some of the time. Others you make me feel like I am not "enough".

You spank my ass and cause me all kinds of good pains. though I could use a few that have been missing. I could use less tears.

i love being your little girl. Though another lives my place. years is a hell of a wait

You bling up my Christmas cause "thats what your little girl likes". odd that it feels like a bribe to overlook.

I am so tired of being in my place out of my place. Freedom is starting to look nice from over here. freedom is lonely.

Life as a never was

2010-12-23T18:54:00.001-05:00

Well its official I am 30 and a looser. worse yet I have realized I am a never was. People always say so pretty and talented you should be something by now. Well guess what "I AN NOT ANYTHING" Even my fall back plan of have a family so at least you can say you were something to someone failed like an ice-cube on the wrong side of the gates of hell. I just don't get it. All those fucking people lied to me they said pretty people have it easy. NO the truth is pretty people with the backing to become famous people have it easy. When you are poor and pretty all it gets you is people thinking you are dumb. Also men who know you are dumb and lonely enough to be their whore while they look for a "girl to settle down with" so every time you see an ex the rest of your life he is ALWAYS married/committed to some homely usually heavy chick. Why I sit and watch my life never happen. I cant even remember the last time I had a dream of any kind that was just about me. Its always sacrificing for someone else cause thats what I was supposed to do. Well guess what it didn't do me a damn bit of good the universe is still shitting on me like I was told would only happen if I was selfish and did whatever the fuck I want. In fact a large majority of the people I know who are doing ok or better then ok are because of dishonesty or what do they call it exaggeration a little fudging or whatever in short doing whatever they had to do get what they wanted. Thanks a lot for the lie

Depression is just like home

2010-12-12T22:53:00.000-05:00

Guess who is depressed here. this gal. My life is just not fun right now. and I am fucking tired of it.

it just isn't fair. Fair what the fuck is fair. Nothing. Life is the one totally unfair thing we much all endure.

You know I have been this way forever. taking a couple of forays into that normal shit but really i don't like it.

cause I always am back here.

useless to the world

not good enough for anyone ever

always such a nice girl why are you still single

well thats easy cause Im me and I'll be this way forever

and its a horrid day in the neighborhood

2010-12-01T23:09:00.001-05:00

Jobless.... again.... Not sure i can take this at christmas. Why is it that shitty things like to come in packs so you feel like all of creation is tell you that you suck a bunch.

Glad I get to spend christmas in my place will be homeless on the first of the year. YA

lost info

2010-11-12T14:16:00.001-05:00

catch up information

me and my friend Tracy are sharing a place with two guys we know.

cramped but theres a pool in the back yard so I am not complaining.

so tracy Kurt and ron

we all live in the little house near the woods. which is nice.... less neighbors to call the police as we are all bdsm oriented and there can usually be heard someone's screams of good pain.

me Im working on a divorce, so is Tracy.... and Kurt..... Ron didn't marry his mistake

oh well we are all living and learning.

Confusion

2010-10-28T10:28:00.000-04:00

Well.... when you tell a man(A). I want out because you are squishing my soul...... (read that as:I have found a man(B) who likes all the parts of me that you say that you don't want me to have and that I should try to resist these things cause they are unbecoming behaviors for your property to have..... )

then sometimes you get a kick in the ass cause that same man(A) may stand up and say what is it that you need, I love you and you shall have it..... Be prepared for that.... I wasn't.... Now I haven't slept... Eaten... I feel sick... and I have no clue what to do from here.... What... Why are you mocking me out there....

Two men who care for me...
A. been together a while. saying all the right things. doing all the right things. offering all the right things.
B. just offering himself to me hmm

I don't know... must think... sleep too.

Friday Friday Friday

2010-10-22T09:05:00.000-04:00

Well Thursday night was a freakin riot. Hung out with a friend of mine from PA. The man is a marvelous genuine gentleman of a caliber you just don't see today. Thomas you are just what the doctor ordered. Sometime it is better to spend an entire evening being charmingly flirted up by a man who you know isn't trying to get into your pants. Refreshing is a real and true way.

Staying for the sex

2010-10-20T12:38:00.001-04:00

OK I heard a disturbing Strawberry letter this morning on the Steve Harvey Morning Show. It was great. Girl stuck with dude cause the sex is GREAT. OK I been there. I married mines. But I damn sure knew I shouldn't when I did it. Come on people. If good sex made a good relationship then there are people in everyone's past they would never have left/let go. Sex is physical and that isn't everything. I felt bad for the woman but hey you have to grow up some time.

And here's the first candidate

2010-10-18T14:41:00.001-04:00

What do you call him. that guy that comes right after a breakup..... the Rebound man is in town people. And he has his A game on.
And I plan on falling for it with grace and wallowing in the attention.

Some day soon I will realize that it is super temporarly but at the moment I am enjoying Mr. Right Now.

He is fabulous. To the salon for a Mani-Pedi, Then lets jump on this man while he is hot.

Bullshit and some more

2010-10-05T11:20:00.001-04:00

This ass <read my wonderful husband> just emailed my family screenshots of my fetpage <a fetish oriented community page similar to facebook>. Hmm I may need bail money. I would also like to point out that its not that my family isn't evolved in my life a lot of them know some of what I do but it isn't anyone's place to inform your family about your private life. After letting that ass back in my life after he trashed all my online accounts, email addresses, and community pages last year, I should have known that it wasn't worth the second chance.

Floundering like a fishy

2010-10-04T10:47:00.001-04:00

Life sucks so bad at the moment I am actually considering taking to a life of crime. Living by the rules hasn't gotten me shit. I am 30. yes fucking 30, speeding toward a divorce, childless cause my only kids were his from another relationship. So I am old and by the time, read IF, I find someone I will be to old to procreate. My biological clock did some math and just closed up the show. To top it all off I got notice on friday that the job I hate is ending in four weeks YA. Glad I never had time for a vacation now. I will get that paid out in cash now at least. The words "Ready for a Change" have never felt so appropriate.

So I'm Listening.

Day one of posting a lot

2010-09-24T12:46:00.001-04:00

OK I am trying to get back to posting a lot more. I tend to not post if life is getting the better of me and lookie here I haven't seen my peeps in a year. damn its been a rough one. I am lonely as the day is long. bored and I hate laundry. which is all I have to do on a Friday night. To hell with that I am going out damn it. So choices choices.

the only choice I have is to not be bored. will write more on that on Saturday if I got to go out.

Friday at work:
short staffed and picking up the slack everywhere. so who the hell is going to pick up the slack for me.

Well being checkin:
No sex.... no fun.... ammunition.... um people may need to run a little

Physical state:
smokin sexy.... Yeah we're good.

And we're back

2010-09-22T16:17:00.003-04:00

Well that didn't take too long.

sadly I am singleish again. ish because we are just separated right now.

Not sure how I feel.

angry and cheated mostly so what better to do then blog blog blog it out.

Ya

The Long Silence

2010-01-11T12:16:00.001-05:00

Well I survived an enitre 2 days of silence...

I thought I was going to keel over from the loneliness of it all.

But seriously folks. is it that men in general can feel the "weakened prey" of a female hurting and having problems....

Saturday. Every Dom I have ever had the pleasure of speaking with socially called, txt, IM, or jumped on my fetpage. I had to look around to see if I had posted about the fight or something. Maybe it was the universe testing me. Maybe not. But I think I passed with flying colors and didn't have a one nighter with anyone.

There's got to be an improvement medal out there some place for that.

Ya---Booo

2009-09-21T14:12:00.001-04:00

why is it that when we have a good time there is always something to come along to make us feel like shit again. It like the good feelings aren't supposed to last more then a minute. But it doesn't work the other way around. when bad shit happens it just keeps on coming there isn't anything there to lift you up a bit. no the world is designed to keep us all miserable.

Monday Monday

2009-09-14T12:57:00.000-04:00

You know how much I love a monday. I am tired and needs to see my Daddy here soon or I am going to go bratzerk on the world. I feel neglected.... Though I did get to see him just a bit ago but DAMN I need attention and lots and lots of orgasms.... hell I need to get my mind off it... hmm lets see. on the way to work today I realized one great thing. ITS PAYDAY. so Nice there. AND the traffic wasn't terrible so good on that. Well I will be wishing for a less tense day so I can relax a bit. Woot.

And so we fall

2009-09-11T10:13:00.001-04:00

We did it. We said yes. but to what you may ask. well to being accountable to another human being. a great one but another person just the same. what the hell was i thinking with this one.well so much for my wild fun. we are going to miss running wild to parties and hotel excoursions. but pulling in some of that will give me time to develop a relationship...... ewww when you say it like that it sounds like a bad thing. Oh well. well shall see. More later

kisses

From Email

2009-07-20T16:43:00.001-04:00

I don't know why it makes me this happy to just see him get a hug a kiss and playful swat to the ass. I miss him when I can not see him. damn near had a meltdown the day I got cancled on. Feels like the best kind, feels like lust.

Testing Email Post

2009-07-02T12:13:00.001-04:00

This is to see if the email post is editing properly.

This is just a test.

In the event of a real post there will be lots of driping details about my torrid sexlife.

Kisses

-k

2009-06-04T11:19:00.002-04:00

Sent to me by a friend this morning. I just love it so i thought I would share.

Have you ever slept with evil
Or taken the devil's hand
Only a woman who has
Can truly understand

The difference between making love
And really getting FUCKED...
Have you experienced the latter
Well then you're in luck

There's no room for reverency
No taboos or holy groundI
t's when your boyfriend takes you
While your husband's still around

It's like when you were just a teen
And got laid in your parents' bed
Or that time at church, during mass
When you thought about giving head

It's ropes, and gags, and blindfolds
Hot oils and creams
It's fingernails drawing blood
Moans, and groans, and screams

It's acting like a bad girl
And having your lover spank youI
t's asking PLEASE may I suck your cock
And then saying, Thank you

It's getting down on all fours
Or getting fucked legs up
It's squeezes, bites, and pinches
'Til you admit you love it rough

It's going in like a girl scout
And coming out like a whore
It's bragging that you don't need it
Then begging for more

Put on all the frills you want
It won't change what you crave
For even the strongest woman
Sometimes needs to be a slave

So baby, ditch the angel act
And forget the good conduct
Your magic man is here to please
And you're gonna get FUCKED

Author Unknown at the moment

Catchup Number 2

2009-05-21T08:43:00.003-04:00

Apr 28th, 2009

comfortable silences

silence stretching

dead to the distance

tension building within

bringing forth the loss

unleashed in a scream

known fully seen

heard without judgment

my feelings rush into the silence with rapid beats

fighting to push away the touch

tears erased fears chastened

my heart sings washed in acceptance

held loved cherished

his

Apr 27th, 2009

Saturday Party Time

Got roped into this party.

It was a nice party in a huge, beautiful, I will never own one like it, house. The dungeon in this place costs more then my entire house. There is a suspension pit. I hope I get to see that tonight. Me and Tracy got there decently late so as to not be first but still not be in the press trying to get acclimated.

Dear Goddess there are little things in leather all over the place its like we plucked the wings off a throng of faeries. Its so nice to watch them serve.

Tracy got into the suspension class and her suspension went very nice. Have just met a ton of people I am have a good time and actually being social at a play party for the first time ever. But around 11 I started to get bored as hell. Not to mention hot as the day is long. Hot tub is tempting but there are like 6 people I don't know in there so I think I will have to pass.

I have been noticed and am being watch. Fun. He's not bad looking. Very dramatic leathers, staff and all. And in a pack like most predators. Waits till he has my full attention and disengages from his pack. I am engaged in conversation by Stephan. I introduce myself make nice; then I smile very sweetly excuse myself and scamper off for my violet wand seminar back in the heat of the dungeon.

I sat in the coolest of the dungeon rooms the “shower” its a 10 X10 room with a built in tile bench about waist height for a tall man along one side with shower heads and other attachments along one wall and D-ring tie downs made into the walls ceiling and floor. It got so hot and humid through the violet wand demo the walls started to sweat,. Black and green marble tile everywhere and it was like the walls were weeping for the little screamer.

Spent the last few wandering around talking to people and molesting this very hot little thing in chinos when we happened to pass one another and trying to stay cool in all the heat.

More across the room looking with that Stephan guy. He is showing off with a friend and two girls in the corner. He is shorter then his buddy, but better muscle definition. Its a sexy ass package over there. You know it may be getting hotter in here. Move long and talk to some people in a group about a the electrical demo.

During our conversation S finishes with the low level play with his buddies and is headed in my direction. I just love it when men do that looking at you the whole way across the room thing. It is fucking great. Well needless to say when he passed I was looking then I looked away and went back to the conversation.

I turn to go and walk into a swinging flogger that is expertly pulled up at the last second as to not actually hit me. Nice. There he stands down to his leather pants and vest. Lost a shit but that manly look it just too much for him to give it up for the heat.

Be careful. Someone might hurt you.- so I looked him in the eye and just stated

No one has tried all night.

Well then would you loan me your body to demonstrate these – he holds up a set of paired floggers in black and silver.

Sure why not. - I whipped my shirt over my head, glad to be out of it in this heat, and tossed it to Tracy.

Grabbing some overhead bar as instructed I bet I look good all back lit in red like that. He starts off WAY slow..Hits my ass a couple times and I realize I am going to have to loose the pants if I want to feel this so I held up a hand for a stop and dropped my pants. Getting an approving grunt from my new friend. He comes in for a check in and asks.

Can you take more. - I couldn't help myself

You can start hitting me any time now. - and it was said with all kinds of bitch behind it.

He grabbed the tops of my panties and folded them down as he ad not asked to take them from me. Stood back and gave me a short sequence with the floggers it was ok but didn't produce a sound from me. Held up the finger again and took off the rolling panties.

I think he got the picture and he got with some very nice hitting. He switched to bare handed spanking for variety and because

You got an ass made for spanking.

Thanks – big ass grin.

And he proceeds to lay into my ass quite nicely. After as I sat on the floor listening to all the play that had erupted in the room while we played. I am exhausted I was up there in that heat for a while and it just drained me. S is supporting me rubbing me down. He takes my face in his and forces me to look at him. Then turns my face to see the room and all the activities

This is all for you. There was no hard play in here till I got that ass. Welcome to the party.

Apr 13th, 2009

New day

New day
touched in time
clouded in mind
feelings so new
shared and profound
dig away the damage
pulled away through the pain
uncover me
find me
see me
I am

Apr 6th, 2009

Saturday Goodness

Looking casual cute. but not really liking the outfit for some reason. speeding though no traffic. I'm not going to be late. I'm early as hell.. Oops.... . Ooh look a mall... two vises in one day, oh so nice. wander through the Lakebridge mall, or something like that., JC Penny is the only place open for their "Door Buster Sale" Find the PERFECT thing to fix my outfit. Just as I place it dipped just into my cleavage Tom calls he is making sure I found the place OK. Seeing as it is an hour before I am supposed to be there I hadn't expected that. I tell him I am at the mall across the street. I can hear the smile though the phone.

Give me 15 minutes and come to room 303.

But manage a dignified

Sure.

See you soon baby.

See you soon

got to the hotel right on time. I take the elevator to the 3rd and start to get nervous. Look at a door with a little rectangle that says 303 on it at eye level. I knock gently and wait.

The door opens and he cocks his head over to one side and says

Hey

Showing his inner New Englander. He pulls me into a huge hug as I stammer my hello as I see the room over his shoulder. Its a... um.. ah we will ignore that thing for now. The bed is made with Cranberry red satin sheets with yellow rose petals with a kiss of red of each petal scattered thickly across the huge thing. In the opposite corner there is a chair, with built in laptop tables, filled with an assortment of floggers, whips, paddles, rattan cane, etc. On the table to the right of that filled with feathers, fury things, and stuff I am not sure what they are but they look like they would tickle. Continuing right is the TV on a drawer thing. Next to that a smaller set of drawers with a picnic on it. Fruit, cheese, whine, something that looks like fudge and tiny little beads in a dish. After thinking about that a second I see patiently waiting as I take it all in. He gently takes my shoulder and helps me around the um...um.. center of the room, to the couch down the wall from the foot of the bed.. It is firm and solid and I realize I am freaking out just a little bit. Is that what I think it is. Hmm yes. We are talking about nothing. How was the drive, weathers windy blah blah. Can't stop staring at the black leather Sybian beneath a wooden um empty doorway? Its massive and made of doubled 2x4s and cross beams. Tom moves into my vision I guess he said something umm.

Sorry what did you say.

Are you comfortable can I get you anything.

Wine would be nice I brought a bottle.

I just up glad to have found a reason to do something. I have energy all of a sudden. I open the bottle and pour wine into the two tiny tumblers in the room. I offer him one, which he takes and places on the rear of the table. He then turns to me

You are too nervous. Sit come sit down.

He didn't move toward me to try to touch me in any way. When I got very near him he touched my arm and I moved into the touch it felt good and stabilizing. I hadn't been breathing. He gently pulls me across him holds me to him

You look beautiful today.

He began kissing me, nibbling on my neck, touching my back, my arms, my face. He pulls back from me and I'm sitting on the couch whimpering at the loss of his lips on me and clutching his hand. He pats my hand and pulls both my hands to my lap and places them together.

Are you ready

I feel the panic again, he holds my gaze and waits.

Yes

That's my good girl.

He left me on the couch. I couldn't see what he was doing and the panic started to creep back in. His body straightened and he called me to him. I was to take off my clothes fold them and place them in a drawer with my glasses and jewelry, but leave my bra and panties..

Do you know the safe words?

Yes I do

What are the safe words

Yellow/Red

Good girl.

He walks me to the frame and places cuffs on my wrists and ankles. He places a blind fold over my head and moved me into the frame. He allows me to feel his body to find my balance and he chains first my arms up so high over head. Then he is gone and I hear music begin very softly. I can feel him touching my ankle pulling me to one side, the far far to the other. My legs are spread so wide I can just barely stand with all my weight on my feet.

What are the safe words

Yellow/Red

Good girl.

There were things that tickled and poked and a crapped. Making my skin sensitive all over. He touched my body and tickled me teasing my nipples and my exposed pussy. He found my clit and pushed me fast to a quick orgasm. Biting down on my neck and twisting my nipples he made it last.

You are to tell me when you cum.

He is gone, its startling to not feel his touch.

Do you understand

His hand is on the back of my neck stroking it

Yes I can remember

That's my good girl

Something soft and heavy is moving across my bottom between us, it flutters over my shoulder its gone. I flinch before it falls hard. Its the flogger I saw earlier. He slaps my ass, my back and shoulders working over my body slowly. The pulse and intensity of the blows increases. I love it. The pain is intense and sweet. I can feel the rhythm three same three , three harder, when I cry out to violently he pauses, once my feet are back on the ground he continues getting harder and harder and waiting for me to take the pain. And I want to take as much as he will give me. There come one set of three that I screamed and collapsed in to he cuffs. He was there rubbling a soft hand over my heated flesh. So cool and soft. Something is falling on me. Like hard rain. Over my breasts and neck my face I pull back I don't know what it is. Stinging whips to my breast have me gasping. My nipples are struck so fast, so hard, it is too much I cry out and the softness is there. Soothing all the stinging. My arms are free. Hanging limply at my sides. He frees my ankles and I start to sway. I can't find balance while blindfolded. He takes my blindfold to instruct me on how to mount the Sybian.

Mar 3rd, 2009

Ice

Well for the first time in well over 5 years I have fallen on the ice. And I do mean it sucked. It was cold and sudden and painful. I am not dead nor did I break the bone this time. But I am hurt and when it happened it was 5:30 am I was on my way out to the car so I guess its great no one was there to see it, but also no one was there to ---1 help me up, --2 help me to the car, -- or 3 make fun of me. I think in the absence of three I can sacrifice one and two. Yes in retrospect I think it is definitely acceptable.

Off to the grind

kisses

-k

My mood: a bit excited

Jan 15th, 2009

last night

I met her, she is great. she gives me power, and a reason to do things to him. I like her. I think she can keep me.

My mood: a bit calm

Jan 9th, 2009

OH MY FUCKING GODDESS

Yes Virginia there is a Santa Clause!

Do you know what this beautiful wonderful gorgious man just told me. hehe

I am almost giddy.

Dec 30th, 2008

last sunday

There’s a couple I know they consist of a guy named Chris and a chick named Tina. The first time I met them Tina offered me her husband. The second time I met them she did it again. So I decided to take her up on her offer.

We met up at their place at about 2 and watch a show on TV and chatted. Decided what we wanted to do set limits and went to the dungeon. They have a great place I tell you.

Lets see we tried the spanking bench and he demonstrated the difference between “sting” and “thud” as they pertain to sensation basic working out a useful vocabulary. And I was able to better judge what I do and do not like and why. He had a great time whipping me with this set of straps. I was having a crazy good time and then he was fingering my pussy and whipping me I was in heaven and cuming uncontrollably. There was some cane action but I can’t rightly tell you when it happened. Then he covered me with a super soft blanket thing and detached the chains and took me to bed.

I thought I was getting a nice brake, no he had other ideas. The spanking bench is nice but you only get to torment one side of the body. So his idea was to get the front. He put clamps on my nipples and proceeded to see just how many he could get on my tits. We ran out at 100. I will take some more next time. After he had taken all the clamps off except the ones on my nipples he licked my pussy and pulled on those two clamps I was screaming and cuming and it was fantastic. Somewhere at the height of the last orgasm he took off the clamps and when I came back to myself he was sucking my nipples.

We just kinda lay there all evening and talked and made out and it was nice no real sex though but there was a ton or oral going on.

Dec 29th, 2008

To bottom without submission

This is what he said. "Just because you bottom doesn't mean you have to submit." At the time whispered in my ear... exactly what I wanted to hear. So the new question. Is this possible?, or is it just the starting lure. I once heard him tell a friend, "Make them comfortable and they will hand you their soul." At the time I thought he was kidding. but now I don't know

My mood: a bit mischievous

Dec 5th, 2008

I need a vacation

OK I was actually doing ok for a little bit. But now i am done. they can take the rest of this month and shove it.

My mood: extremely cold

Dec 3rd, 2008

Confused RunOn

I need something I am so listless right now. and to be honest the first time I have had energy to do anything constructive was for about a week after the sourness went away from my first whippin. OK you being a more normal person may not know what it is like to live in a perpetual depressed state its called dysthymia, which breaks down to having been depressed since puberty. No real lasting treatment. and I can't stay with the habitual things I need to do to change it. Like socializing, diet, exercise, housework. I have no stick to it ness. my thought being; can I find this motivation outside myself without losing too much of myself in the bargain. I mean I am a capable person I just don't do anything. ever. at the moment I have a tiny trickle of encouragement but now that I know I don't have to do anything he wants me to do and he will never know. it kinda killed that. some kind of accountability or something. but I guess i may just need to find someone who i can't conceal from. OK granted there is a class of male that always starts there but they always end up Right back in the pack. Not that the pack is a bad place to be i just don't feel the necessity to make them happy above my own. That feeling is usually fleeting at best. Maybe I am just don't to have to come to grips with the fact that I am overly complicated and that I will probably always be a little unsatisfied.

My mood: a bit awake

Dec 3rd, 2008

Wednesday bust

Well that's just great.

I am all cute and he is not even going to show up. Asshole. so what if you are sick and dying.

DAMN IT

I need attention.

Freaken great now I have to feel all bad cause I want the attention more then I care about his health. I am ok with that. or i will be

My mood: a bit awake

Dec 2nd, 2008

What was that

I agreed to lunch

what was I thinking

No I don't think I am thinking. I got to use my brain not my libido to think with. OK.

Here's what we are going to do. Under no circumstances are we going to go straight to that lunch and tell him exactly what we think.

NO we do not want a relationship with him. But would appreciate some help in finding a suitable play partner.

OK that's the best thing to do.

That will keep us out of trouble and fights

OK that's what we are going to do if the resolve holds out.

Goddess help me keep away from this man

I know what it is about him. I have a slight problem with men like him. I want to fight and they are more then willing to give me one. Just hope there are more where he came from.

Dec 2nd, 2008

feeling the need to just escape

Damn who would have though that I could sit and stress about something so damn easy.

wow I am so freaken girlie at times it scares me.

My mood: a bit nauseated

Dec 2nd, 2008

swirling thoughts

OK I sit here trying to work. Have gotten like 1 hours work done in the last 4 hours. Waiting on his emails. Why the hell do I care? he is so not viable as a useful person to the future. Only a stopover and I am falling all over this asshole like he is a gift from the Goddess. Oh help he is so damn desirable. sexy, strong, tall, vary tall, I still have to look up to this one in my fuck-me pumps. Nice But he is kinda in a thing with a friend of mine. but its not like I want to fuck him. OK who am I lying to I want him to fuck me till I am unconscious with the delight. BUT what I don't like is the you know you can have it attitude. I guess it works cause all I can think about now is just how bad it would be, have just about decided to do it anyway. even though I know it will be a bad thing. I mean really I need to be able to say no to a good thing. Willing to stay within all my boundaries, rule oriented ok with the fact that I am not here for a relationship or a 27/7 thing. But you are going to stand in my way cause you think he is a good fuck. I don't want to fuck your buddy. I just would like to use his other freaken talents. You stand there and say if you were my friend you would understand. I don't. if you were my friend you would get the hell out of my way. I know this was over before it started I could never to that to a friend even though it is just a misconstrued mess at the moment. Oh well off to the shopping mall.

My mood: a bit discontent

Dec 1st, 2008

feelin too much

Can't think of anything else besides things I shouldn't

I know that a friend of mine is involved with him but he keeps on doing things that are not fair

how the hell am I supposed to be all on the side of good when someone is waving the bad things in my face

telling me I can have whatever i want

What the fuck is that about

i mean really

it just isn't fair to say to someone " you know you want it you know you can have it you just have to pay for it"

Torturous bastard.

It is not fair. I don't even really know anything about this person and I am tied between wanting to flog him till he bleeds. and wanting that treatment.

Conflicted

Just want to tear his head off and kick it.

My mood: somewhat enthralled

Nov 17th, 2008

Morning

People are buying Christmas trees. it is the 17Th of November. What the hell is wrong with people. If you get a real tree this early it will be a big stick by new years. I guess they don't keep them up till Easter like my family always does. How odd, to me the Christmas tree is something that is done right after the 1st of December. sometimes closer to the actual day depending on money and time to take care of it. Cause if you want those puppies to last you have to give them care and lots of attention.

My mood: a bit okay

Nov 12th, 2008

Saw another one

Saw another deer last night. Just walking through my yard. he was small. little tiny antlers, kinda healthy looking though. Very pretty. I almost missed him. I was in my car coming home from the grocery store. I pulled in. got out of the car and looked over the car and there he was about 15 feet away just looking at me. He kinda looks up the yard and walks along looking over at me to see what I am doing. then he is gone. So I get out and take my things into the garage. When I come back out for the next load he is there again looking out of small hedge at me. So I watch him for a little while and when he seams disintested in me I went on with getting the groceries. He didn't run off just stepped back a bit when I came around to empty the car on his side. it was cool.

Nov 10th, 2008

Its here again

Mondays are such a suck morning. Not that I am a morning person at all. Really those first hours of the day I might be awake because I like to see the sun rise but that doesn't mean I want to deal with ignorance at o'dark-thirty. I mean really. Who made it a law that the best hours of the day we either have to spend in traffic or sitting at out desks wonder why the hell we got out of the bed. Oh man I need to pep up before I become the HR problem again. Eh I hate people. OK that's not true I hate the stupid, backwards, pain in the ass, shit that people do when they think they can get away with it.

My mood: a bit morose

Nov 5th, 2008

Woke up feeling good

Well didn't wake up feeling good. Woke up to anxiety and a feeling of dread just like the last election. This time though I was pleasantly surprised as I walked to the computer to see all that blue in the right places.

I am happy. feeling optimistic for the first time in a long time. And really to be honest I just wanted to get back in my bed and wait for the new day to dawn. there is so much work to do to repair all this damage. But we have taken the first step. Thumbs Up to all who went out and voted. Who showed their support. And for all those Black People for McCain. You should be ashamed of yourselves... FOR-REAL MCCAIN. I am glad the brainwash didn't take all over.

My mood: very excited

Oct 27th, 2008

Monday Monday

OK it is Monday and I am here at work trying not to get fired as usual. But today is a Monday with a plan. And a new outlook on things forgotten. Not yelling nearly as much but still want to do away with some people. But I am getting laid so not too much to complain about. and whats the point at times you think people are there and care and at other times you wish you could just take all your money and leave town.... Fill the gas tank and just live where it runs out.

Oct 24th, 2008

Sunday Round 2

Raise head look around take a languid stretch mind the sore spots.

No longer nervous. Kinda feeling hungry for more.

A St. Andrews Cross, Intimidating thing, tall and cool to the touch, smooth, hard.

What people are talking to me gotta sit up from my comfy slumped over warm place on the super great couch.

So when can we start. Yeah Now is good. Up and down to the knees to get shackled. back up to get chained onto this monstrosity of wood and metal. very cool on my naked warm skin. Blindfold lowered. Silence movement

It has begun again shoulders first spatula I think. stingy and dull nice relaxing. Feels great I think there are two. I think this is so wonderful ... squeal.... that's so freaken sore so nice hurt it again.

there is a spiky thing sunning down my body very sharp tickly there .. and there. and I like it .

stranger sensation making me kinda squirmy - told to stay still for the knife.

oh and my favorite flogger is back all over my body is nice sharp there,... leather strap thing is hurting .... moaning and nearly climbing this cross. Intense and want more harder longer more now.

Feeling incredible as more implements are passed over my body, thoughts faded floating on the sensations.

Nearly cum as something is clamped onto my nipples, if feel so fucking good want more. getting a little loud to myself moment to breath good. Yes I am breathing.

flogged whipped clams removed, god I love that part. want them back on but I am being taken down again. felt like minutes was 45 of them told I need to rest a sec while they set up a Violet wand to work out.

Tom walks through makes a safety check as I straddle a chair. I'm good. Oh that tingles can it go higher. I feel it better now higher oh. Right there.

OK this is an intensely surprisingly erotic sensation that tingles the tows and makes the nipples seam to itch or tingle or vibrate yes vibrate. Shown items as they are being tried. a fluorescent tube with prongs on the end light up as contact is made. so cool and huts in a hard way shit shit shit "shit... shits not the safe word" I am told and it continues to travel liquid fire up my back

shiny streamer looking thing "Wand Flogger" is pretty don't see how that will work. Works great.... ever little tiny mylar fringe shocks are moved over my gyrating flesh. I am in love. Want more need more

guess I gotta get dressed now. not at all what I want to do but hey it was grand

And yes I will be doing this again as soon as I can.

Oct 20th, 2008

Sunday round 1

My mood: very delighted

Sunday after a good two days of sex with me hubby I have an appointment for more forms or torture. Limping on one hip already this ought to be good.

Driving slow to pick up the stand in ass whipper. trying to be calm in the traffic that is killing me a little, grab Chele and head out to the dungeon. Takes a while with traffic and trying to stay calm as to not overly agitate the one who will be responsible for my pain this evening.

Arrive at a picturesque setting complete with dogs and a lake, what a place to be nude.

So into the house we go super nice place with a basement that is to die for.

Dungeon out of a nice dirty mag really. Spanking bench and St. Andrew's cross in cherry finish, steel tie-downs, and leather padding. in short heaven, and that's just the first room

around to the left there is a lovely massage table next to a small end table filled with a wax bath and an assortment of candles. Continue through and there is a huge soft king size bed with tons of pillows.

so we go on in and start unpacking as our host is out but on the way. so she opens up a bag that holds a lot of shit and starts pulling out these THINGS

3 floggers

Ridding Bat

Dogging Bat

3 paddles

clamps

and a blindfold

And this is supposed to be the starter kit.

I am nervous at this point in my bra and panties stalling like a virgin.

OK run to car o clear head. Pace a bit and drink juice. Think that the no play under the influence is a suck rule. suck it up and go back inside it is cold out here.

Inside trying on the bench for size and shortening it for comfort. it has a nice weight hella sturdy and supportive without being hard nice construction.

Can I get the blindfold now.... apparently only naked people get blindfolds so off it all came

I am getting shackled and being made to sit on my knees. none too sure about that one. working through it.

led to the bench and draped across it to find a comfortable position. not bad kinda odd on the tits but they seam to be working it out with the help of gravity.

I get my blindfold and am chained to it. Am instructed to not talk, scream all I want, answer the question and stay otherwise silent

Not sure about this leather and its potential to stick to my ....

not thinking about that anymore as the first flogger makes a silent arch and contacts with my ass all unexpectedly. Not bad didn't hurt now that one kinda did. and that next . and the next.

different pain now lovely pain glancing off parts of me in really nice ways.

wonder if I can get hit harder. Not supposed to talk, ok decide to stay quiet as the object changes and I like the feel so much just makes me whimper into the leather pillow.

think I am biting it a bit so shift a bit... change again and this one hurts really nicely intencly want it harder felling really nice and the blur begins, I can hear myself I can hear the questions, saftly checks mostly, must breath, fell the pressure, breath, can't breath know I need to stop holding my breath can't..... that fixed it. back to that hard flogger that is just wonderful. can't really identify anything else like it so know it. Everything else blurs. long pause wonder whats going on over.... never mind hard unidentifiable thing contacting my ass want more harder faster. What question missed one I don't know umm maybe " brain screaming just hit me again"

gota think here yes I am ok. nice hot hands rubbing me with lotion nice soothing. feels great.

I am unchained and covered in something that feels like warm fuzzy. dizzy now stay here for a little bit. yes i am ok. its only been a few minutes why do I gotta get down. oh an hour and some. really didn't notice all that. ok i guess i could do with a rest.

can i do it again

in a little bit great. snuggle down in the bestist couch on earth. dark

Oct 20th, 2008

Ouch Ouch Ouch

OK gave it a try. Had a great time. tried out a bunch of stuff. ready for more.

My mood: very delighted

Oct 9th, 2008

only one nostril

OK so I have only one nostril. well I have two but only one is working at the moment. Got a sinus infection over last weekend and it is still kicking my bootie with all kinds of meds and things trying to chase it down. I am so tired. but I have slept a bunch and can't do it any more. AAAAAHHH I hate being sick. Time to find another movie.

My mood: a bit sick

Number 1

2009-05-21T08:33:00.003-04:00

Sep 25th, 2008

Candles

Got to love them.

My mood: pretty excited

Sep 24th, 2008

Well it was a year

Well last night was our first anniversary. I got NOTHING, no card, no gift, no flowers, no happy anniversary kiss in the morning. I did get a happy anniversary just before bed. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED. I don't feel very appreciated today needless to say. so kiss my ass if I am not a fucking ray of sunshine.

My mood: somewhat melancholy
My health: not great

Sep 19th, 2008

TIme to throw out the 20s

Got dressed today and because of the pants too damn big situation yesterday I decided to try on some pants I havn't been able to wear in a long time. Guess what they fit, Not even tight cutting off the circulation but they fit. Pulled them up buttoned and comfortable. so this weekend it is out with the size 20s and in with the 18s. Its going to be a great weekend.

-k

My mood: somewhat naughty

Sep 15th, 2008

People

Why is it that it seams that some people are not happy unless they are screwing something up for other people? What the hell is up with that?

Sep 8th, 2008

Monday

I don't feel good today. Feel alone lonely and like I might never be happy again, where is that dementor and can I kill it. I guess it would be best if we could blame out shitty moods on creatures of darkness. But alas no such luck. I do not want to go back on the medication cause my family makes me hate myself my life and all of them. and my job likes to pitch in to tell me how worthless I am not the existence of anything. freaken yeah. So poor pissed lonely unhappy broke pathetic lack luster un-achieving deadend lost

My mood: very depressed

Sep 3rd, 2008

First day of school

I mean YEAH FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. I don't have to hear "Im bored" and have no defense for the next 9 months. WOO HOOOO Now I can say go get your ______ project or ______ book you need to get read, or _____ work for that class. I never thought I would look forward to the beginning of school. but summer vacation to poor parents is just another reminder of what you can't do for your family because the national income has ballooned to where you can't have kids without 2 large incomes. We are neglecting our youth and blaming parents when their kids do illegal shit. Well guess what if all they see are people who don't really care about them IE day care, sacc programs, YMCA programs, What the hell do people expect.

Aug 25th, 2008

To day is mon day

I am here it seams to be shaping up to be a good day. if not so what. then tomorrow will be better

Aug 12th, 2008

Here we are

Sitting on a Tuesday wondering why the hell I come in here every fucking day. But then I remember fuck I need food and roof over my head and all that shit I didn't need as a reckless teen. I miss no obligations. don't get me wrong I love my family but shit sometimes I wish I could pack up my car and just drive off.

It'll pass.... I hope

Aug 7th, 2008

Oh why isn't it Friday

Would be nice but it is just Thursday. People are complaining and slacking off and I am working my ass off. Not at all a situation that I like. But I get my shit done no matter what. OK back to the grind just needed a second.

Aug 5th, 2008

Tuesday

Well it is Tuesday and I am at work again. Man do we really need to do this 5 days a week. I think I could get the same amount done in 4 - 10 hour days. but nnnooo my company has to suck. Well I am here and feeling kinda good today i just put on a skirt this morning out the closet and it is too big. I wore it anyways cause I couldn't find another black skirt of the right material and length so here I am with my skirt spinning and I don't care I am shrinking finally. YA diet and exercise!!

My mood: somewhat motivated

Aug 1st, 2008

I NEED A NEW FUCKING JOB

I am so sick of these people. I need out. I stuck it out in college and got a double major to go to work right at the beginning of the shrub years... no good pay, worse job moral, and even worse commute. Now I am still her 3 years later FUCK in 10 days it will be 3 years, 3 long hard tiring years. MAN I need out.

My mood: somewhat weird

Jul 30th, 2008

Wednesday

I am older and maybe a little wiser. At work before the sun and thinking about the weekend already.

My mood: pretty amazing

Today is My BIRTHDAY!!

OK today is my Birthday and last night I started my new work out regiment. So I think I am doing good. Now if I can just keep all the bad thoughts and negativity of the world away from me I might be able to keep it up...

Live it Like it Love it

My mood: extremely feisty

Edit Delete

Posted by KaysFun at 10:29 on Jul 29th, 2008 (updated Jul 29th, 2008)

Consolidation Time

2009-05-19T15:05:00.002-04:00

Well it’s been a few months since I have been blogging here on blogger. I have been keeping things typed up else where so the next few posts will have dates of when they were originally typed up. I will be posting them here to consolidate things a bit.

EVERYBODY'S A CROOK

2008-01-30T08:49:00.001-05:00

Including "Reputable" Hotel Chains. Last weekend I staid at the Woodbridge Hilton at 120 Wood Ave. South, Iselin, NJ. Now thinking this is a Hilton I gave my credit card and proceeded to have a nice night. till the next afternoon when I was locked out of my room. Now I am thinking to myself damn maybe I demagnetized my key. So naively I went off to the reception desk to get a replacement. upon arriving at the desk I was told by a snide little shit behind the desk that my room was locked out because the credit card I had given was declined. 1) I just got here so why are you charging anything to my card? Answer - we check all cards to make sure that the funds are available. 2) This is the second day of my stay why wasn't this done yesterday? Answer - it should have been 3) (to myself) what the hell happened to my money.
So thankfunnu

Well that was a scary week

2008-01-07T10:59:00.001-05:00

And we're back from the Pharmacist and everything is all better now.
1 month NO meds for anyone in the house. BAD BAD BAD MISTAKE.
I suffer from Depressions and Charles suffers from ADD (well it is more like he has it and I suffer from it)
But we are going to be fine so long as we can remember to get our damn medications ON TIME
shit.

weddings and trips and crap will throw it all out of your mind. Let that be a lesson I guess
Later peoples (person - I know there is only like 1 or 2 at the most reading this thing)
and I didn't kill anyone
WEE I don't look good in Prison Grey

-K

Sorry for the absence

2008-01-01T11:20:00.001-05:00

things went well for a while and now i am really starting to hate my life
stuck in a job i hate but can't quit cause i have to have the income to pay for the degree that got me the job i hate
got married and now i hate him too i guess theres no makeing some people happy
the only good thing is i am looking fabu losing a bunch of weight and getting back in shape mostly cause i don't have time to eat taking car of my new ready made family
well at least a few more years before i can't take it and hop a plane to another country to get away from it all

for now i sit and wonder just how funny god thinks it is to stick me with this life and this mental mess not that i am at all surprised wen you look at the rest of the world i guess i have it pretty good at least i am not dead yet though if i were just a bit of a weaker person i could just sink right into that thought and be done with it

i need a vacation from my damn life

well i will write again when i have something less complainer like to say

all the good men are gay too damn far away or dead

Long Time Out

2007-12-06T11:09:00.001-05:00

OK so it has been a while since the wedding finished out. But I tell you what.
It has been great. Well let's start back at the bridal shower. hehe

OK so I had a Slumber Parties Toy party for mine. I made a wishlist board so that if people didn't want to know what they bought me they didn't have too. But of course at the end of the party we had a huge unveiling of what people had gotten me. WOO HOO. I am still in love with all the stuff. I tell you what the Sports Sheets Company deserves the Nobel Peace Prize.

So I got a big box of things that vibrate, look good, smell nice, fill deeply and play hard and fun. So Charles and I decided to take a long weekend a month or so after the wedding cause life was kicking out asses. We were at each other's throats in the attempt to blend households into one. AND we weren't even halfway there yet. So the occasion came to get a nice hotel room and just be us. I jumped all over it and pulled Charles and a bit bag of toys right along with me.

I got to be tied up and spanked, fucked every which way that is possible and got to reciprocate it all. And let me tell you I am still crazy hot for me new husband as I had been for my boyfriend. I was a little worried about that as all the honeymoon feelings started to ware off with all the stress. But now I know just a hard freaky weekend can charge it all back up.

Well have to run for a bit. I will try to type out a little more later to get the rest of time caught up.

later
-Me

Luciano Pavarotti Is Dead at 71

2007-10-12T11:17:00.001-04:00

You shall be missed

Good morning people of the internet

2007-09-25T07:56:00.001-04:00

It is Tuesday we got hitched on Sunday. So I have come up for air and thought I would blog in the situation. First of all every woman out there know this up front that during the ordeal (unless you be 18 and mommy and daddy are paying) you are going to at some point want to say Fuck all you people I am going to Vegas. This is normal and the result of hemorrhaging thousands of dollars at a time out of your pockets. It feels horrid….

Now to the good stuff.

OK the festivities actually started Saturday night with the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. The rehearsal went well except for the time overages fees we owe the church. But the dinner was awesome. We went to this Mediterranean place that had belly dancing. Great food and entertainment to take the stress off a little.

Then the day of. Dawn cracks and I role over to see that I am 2 hours late waking up. The I listen and no one else is up either Most of the wedding party stayed at my house. So I Start To PANIC. I got up screaming and yelling to Harold the arrival of BRIDZILLA squisher of egos and slapper of faces. The stress was unbelievable. People ask you stupid questions like, "do you know where the ring bearer's shirt is?" I am the freaken bride why would I know the answer to that. We have children handlers for that shit.

And this is the day where for faith that the human race is progressing as a species. People ask the same questions repeatedly and get on your last nerve and have the foolishness to tell you to calm down. Lord I am amazed that the day went off without me having to kill anyone.

But it did and I looked great and it was wonderful

Then off to shake it at the reception. I only have one to two songs that I dance to. I love music I just have asthma so there isn't a whole lot of dancing going on with me. But I did the one good song with my new hubby and he was happy. After that it was time for the wedding night.

OK we originally were not going to go anywhere. Seeing as we have a little person who needs to get to school Monday morning. But we got the hey we have the school thing covered (thank the goddess for grandparents) and the hotel is waiting (thanks again to the best man, Sean you are a prince "that Charles's brother")…. Any hoo I just wanted to extol the virtues of hot tubs and silicone lube. Man it is like the stuff was invented for water. But that is as far as I am going to get into that at this second. Check back for further details.

Well now I am back at work so I guess I have to look like I am doing something besides blogging. Later people

-Kay

2 for 2 this week

2007-09-12T13:21:00.001-04:00

OK so this week started with a bang and it is just getting better. I had a chance to break out some serious toys last night. I tell you what I am not getting much sleep but the sex has been spectacular. There has got to be something said for nasty freaky sex every day for a while. I don't know if this is going to keep up but I am loving every minute of it while it is here.

And by the way chasing your girl around a room then spanking her after you catch her - Not the best way to say I am not in the mood. A+ for getting things started. OK time to take a nap at my desk while everyone else is at lunch.

Peace love and good sex to all

-Kay

Sex so good I had to blog on it.

2007-09-11T07:13:00.001-04:00

Hey there all you strangers.
OK sorry I have been kinda out of the loop on keeping this the up to date. Well lets get into why.
NO SLEEP
OK school has kicked in and Charles has a little-little girl in elementary school so as the almost Step mommy it is up to me to outfit things like bras and feminine lecture talk and things like that. I think I did more research on how to tell a little girl about "becoming a lady" then I did on my senior thesis in college. Well it is done we now just wait on it all.. but in the mean time I shall catch you all up on how things have been going. The wedding is creeping around the corner and I don't know I think that coupled with all this wine tasting for the reception is giving me great nights people. Thank the Goddess for sound proof walls. Before these were discovered how the hell did parents have good sex in the house. I think it just all stopped when the kids came home. But I am pleased to report that sound proofing is wonderful stuff. Because if we didn't wake the block lat night that stuff was doing its damn job. We had a wind tasting Monday night to finalize the wine / champagne list for the reception. Wow get a little alcohol into him and he will just keep going and going. so 4 hours 4 condoms and a filled SD card later exhausted and sweaty, sated and oddly fixated on his member I went to sleep this morning around 1am only to awaken at 515, That would be the time I should leave the house and I was just jumping out of my bed. Well easing out. We overdid a couple of those positions. But I have a happy set of throbbing tingles between my legs today and a stupid smile on my face.

Now if I can pull this behavior back to once maybe twice a week then I would be OK. But Charles seams to think it is a every other day kind of thing; Now there's the exhausting part. i am so happy and so tired. I have no balance to it all. I think I should start a nice vitamin regiment or something so I can keep up. I tell you what. ALL the ladies out there and most of the men - Heed my warning, if you give your partner a weekend of all about them sex it will blow their sex drive out of proportion, but you have to continue to give them what they want while getting what you want. Well then I guess if you both can be into the same kink it is a plus. But you never know unless you try.

I wish great sex and restful sleep to all
It is going to be a great Tuesday
-Kay

People and their crap

2007-09-05T08:28:00.001-04:00

I am so tired of people attempting to put their shit and issues off on me. If I have to hear one more time, "girl you should" I am going to kill some chicks I know. Why the hell do they think they can sling out advice about your relationship when they haven't been able to hold down a man since putting out was all the boys wanted. Well I tell you this. I didn't put out then and I am not going to go with the stupid ideas of these fool ass women now.

I am in a long term relationship which is about to become a marriage. Thank you. Thank you. But what most of these over thirty single "I have to have it all my way" fools don't realize is that this kind of thing takes time and commitment, sacrifice and forward movement in the life path the two of you have chosen TOGETHER.... Not one person calling all the shots and expecting the other to jump.

That kind of stupid thinking will get you to forty and single. Give and take is what it is all about and once they all get to experience real honest love and not just what is going on between their legs then they might understand. But until then I will leave them to their broke-ass playa boy friends and friends with benefits. Not to Down all my playas out there and lord knows I have loved some friends with benefits but damn I think it is time for us all to grow the hell up and realize that sometimes everyone has to pitch in and get life taken care of no matter what.

SO QUIT YER BITCHEN. and move on

-Kay

SOMETHING IN THE WATER

2007-08-14T07:04:00.001-04:00

OK I just had a hella tiring weekend of sex. it started on Thursday of last week. I got Friday off but paid for it Saturday.... three times. Then I took Monday so someone thought it was ok to keep me up late Sunday night. Then Monday night roles around and its like well why not...

Oh man I can't believe I have been expected to put out like this and still go to work the next day. SHIT I am tired…. They should have a "my pussy needs a day off" holiday. I think I am going to go sleep on the couch tonight so I can get some rest.

Now I am at work Balls early and people want stuff that I have no idea where they are.

Not to mention I am not mentally here. I can still feel my soft pillow and those cozy blankets.

I think that the government is drugging us though out water supply. there is no reason for the man to be that freakin horny for this many days straight. I am going to have to see how long this is going to last. I should keep a calendar of this activity and see who started it and how frequent these things are.

Oh to have time off on the weekends to do nothing but sleep. I miss those days. I think they call that time "the single life"… Hell I am never going to get that back.

Well I am going to go pretend to be working.

-later

Laundry

2007-08-06T08:11:00.001-04:00

Why is it so hard to get a man to fold/hang a basket of clothes. What the hell makes a man think it is some magical fairy who loves him to be comfortable who just happens to come along and clean up after him. She must be wonderful, this magical laundry doer, vacuumer, Dish washer, maid, slave. Well for all you men out there. STOP IT. This bitch don't exist. And I for one am tired of getting shafted. Now if you are paying all the damn bills and I have a fucking allowance for my shoe addiction I will do every fucking piece of housework, chores, and mind numbing task that can be found in the house. But that has to be my only job. But if I am to bust my ass at work all week just like you, and pay half to over half the damn rent and bills. Then by Thor's Fucking Hammer You better get off your ass and contribute to the damn house work or you will be getting a bill from the maid service I will be hiring.

I do not mind the usual level of work that is associated with a house hold. But when I have to do all the damn cooking and cleaning something is wrong. If you aren't man enough to bust a load of laundry you better get a service. And if you are not cooking you better do the damn dishes BEFORE you go to bed. There is nothing more demoralizing than having to do the dishes before you start to cook a meal for your family.

Im Out

HEY PEOPLE

2007-08-02T15:01:00.000-04:00

OK its been a serious minute since I have blogged anything.
Sorry but I am getting married in 52 days so cut me some slack.

I was going to make my dress but I decided to buy on the spur of the moment last night. It is the HOTNESS
I am going to post a pic up here as soon as I cut it down.

But that is what I get for going with the bridesmaids to the shop to get their dresses. They all talked me into getting a dress. but we look Fierce together.

Well later people

PS
the long sex weekend a while back went Freak Nasty Great. More sex than you can shake a stick at. Updates later

THE INCOMPATIBLE

2007-07-11T14:23:00.001-04:00

Don't get me wrong I love Charles like no man I have ever known. But the problem is he is an exhibitionist and I an so not at all. I am a behind closed doors kind of gal. I am a little freak behind those closed doors but I believe in the door. Not that I mean in the bedroom, just in the damn house. or a very secluded place out doors. but not in from of total strangers. What the hell right. AND I hate the fact that it feels like we are bringing people into our sex lives.

Now the true problem.
We have some friends who are well a little voyeuristic right so he gets a kick over tacking me engaging in sexual activities where he knows these people can either hear or might walk in. So that really does give the impression to these folks that we are inviting them into out sex lives. they are in a poly amorous relationship and group sex is no new thing to them. It is to me and I am going to keep it that way so long as I live.

I am having the worse time trying to explain these things to him in a way that will not sound like "hey I hate your kink"

I have some serious ones and he didn't balk at the custom cuffs I had made or the floggers or the fun getaway learning retreats we took through a great organization here in our area. I just can't get over it. It is killing me I always thought I was the classic GGG girlfriend (that's good giving and game for those of you who don't read The Love).

OK so I have decided to meditate on this. And I came to the conclusion that I needed the freak credits so I better put in the time.

We are going away next weekend to a convention and I decided that if he needs to be public at times what better time then with a bunch of people who I don't know and only see like once a year, and some of them are freakier than us so I am going to just let him go as far as he needs to. Short of dropping out a tit on the promenade. So I am getting out the thigh high leather boots and my best GGG attitude and making the weekend all about him and his myriad of kink. So watch out People of the windy city.

Later people I will let you all know how it pans out. Did I mention we are sharing a suite with these same voyeuristic people hehe!.!.!.!.

-Kay

The terror of it all

2007-07-03T13:11:00.001-04:00

They have moved into my home. little people non of whom belong to me. they are over taking my life. and I have to hide my porn and adult "novelties" read vibrators, cock rings, and other accoutrements> Well it is only 2 weeks and I get all the Auntie duties out in one foul swoop.

Later

Short Weekend

2007-06-11T07:49:00.001-04:00

Short weekend Big Surprise. My brother came hole this weekend from Iraq. I am from a huge military family and if I hadn't had a scholarship to college I would probably be one of the few prow and brave myself. I want to take this time to say Thank you to the Universe in all her benevolent spirits who brought my brother home to me. He may be a just one speck but he means the world to me and mine.

"Gratitude to the cosmos
swirling masses of dancers

dancer atoms
dancer gasses
dancer people
dancer animal people
dancer rocks
dancer of endless possibility
dancing emptiness
dancing reaches
& dancing arcs of outer space
dancing of all things that have ever been
and will ever be

Gratitude to the cosmos
And blessings."

Blessed be.

I do declare

2007-05-22T07:41:00.001-04:00

Well all preparations are set and the weekend picked out. Last weekend did not work for logistic reasons of scheduling. Let the debauchery begin; in one week 4 days and counting.

-Kay

Rekindling the magic.

2007-05-18T14:38:00.001-04:00

So that was a confusing two weeks or so. So now I am here. My cold feet are gone and I am still loving the man I came with. I think I want to plan us a weekend getaway with all the trimmings. Hotel, hot tub, room service, and all the freaky sex that can be fit into 2 days without too much injury. So Far I have the toy box packed, 3 bottles of our favorite wines, picnic basket ready to be packed. Now all I need do is go shopping for something nice tight crotchless with loads of cleavage. Not a problem.

Will report back on the progress of said weekend. I am just sorry that it can't happen this weekend. That would have been great. But what can you say.

-Kay

Things look clearer In the morning

2007-05-16T07:21:00.000-04:00

Morning has come and I didn't pass on from a guilty conscience. A decision has been made and the Sam problem has been solved. Thanks to my best friend, Thanks for the advice girl. So I have a plan and it is in action as we speak. There is nothing wrong with a little harmless flirtation and I know this. I also know that there are parts of me that need indulging from time to time. With the stresses of life at the moment Charles and I are not sinking up on some Key points. I think Sam filled in the gap for the evening. So I am going to go with shit happens and get on with my life.

-Kay

Confusion

2007-05-15T07:41:00.001-04:00

I am so Confused and I have nothing to tell myself to make it all better.

I made a mistake, that doesn't feel like a mistake. I was tooling around online last night, I am an insomniac, and I started to chat with this random guy. No biggie Charles knows that I am a normal person and I talk to other people. Well I ended up in a voice chat with this guy Sam he was so comforting and I don't know It was all so innocent at first. We grew up in adjacent areas and were talking about how much things have changed and where we think the city is headed. Some how things moved into a more adult area, about some clubs that used to exist and experiences there in. So needless to say I ended up have some great cyber with this guy. Which to date the last time that kind of thing happened it was with this hot guy from overseas when I was like 18. So I am freaked. Charles is not a super jealous guy but we do have a ask for approval policy which neither of us has ever violated to my knowledge.

He is my problem, I love Charles and I would never do anything to hurt him intentionally I want to know where this Sam thing came from. How do I get around the analyzing it to see what the hell is on the other side? How do I look through the emo without jumping ship and moving on. Which I do not want to do. I just love attentions from men: Not sexual directly, but sexually fueled.

Oh Gods things are all messed up. I am now sitting at work thinking about last night and DAMN it was so hot. Not that Charles is not the shit in bed but damn that man is good. I am a very shy person with new people even people I chat with online. But I found myself opening to this complete stranger and I liked the feel of slight vulnerability with the safety of being home and not being pressured to go meet this guy even though we live less than 40 miles from each other.

SHIT. OK nothing more now. I am going to go out for a walk and see what I can come up with.

Good morning Folks Just a little thought

2007-05-11T09:49:00.000-04:00

Everything is coming up crappy at the moment. But life is good. I am in the process of moving Charles into my place, it is much bigger than his little place. So I have to make some closet space. I am not getting rid of things I used to think were so important as to take up 4 double wide closets in the house. Clothes and shoes. But it is hard they are like old friends reminders of times past and future possibilities. It is weird though it seams the more crap I clean out the better I feel. I seam to be getting along with the world a little better recently. I was hospitalized a few weeks ago, hence the pause. And I have learned a few very important things about my relationship. I love this crazy stupid man. I may want to sleep with others but this is the person that I want to come home to at the end of the day. Now if he only had a nice Irish accent things would be great. J/K I love him the way he is.

Long overdue - Day One

2007-05-11T09:45:00.000-04:00

These are the shoes I wore yesterday. They are one of my favorite pairs. I wore them a while back with some Rose patterned stockings that I couldn't find for this day but you will see them eventually.

New Revelation

2007-04-08T21:04:00.000-04:00

OK here is the thing. I just did my spring shoe breakout and I think I may have a problem. I have 56 pairs of summer shoes. I may be a shoeaholic . SO I thought I would share my sickness with people who might enjoy it. So I have decided that I will post one pick each day (about) of a different pair of shoes. I just have to set up a way to do so. So everyone who knows someone who loves shoes/feeties let them all know. It shall be the sorta daily Kay Shoe Review. Starting next Monday at the latest. Check back for updates.

Long live the shoes.
-Kay

LIFE SUCKS

2007-04-06T23:55:00.000-04:00

There is no getting around it
just a pure dumb-ass

Oh well

and yeah I am not dying.

after hundreds in fucking medical costs I am not even going to have a surgery,

FUCK
It would be nice to be home from work for a week or two on sick leave. I bet they are rethinking that home "Unlimited" sick leave policy of theirs.

Oh well here I am poor and a month behind on my bills because of it. but I guess that is my problem. I should have just went to my very good friend M and gotten some pain killers and just waited it out. which is what I paid all this damn money to do. I got a work excuse and that was all.

Man the american medical system sucks big fat hairy sweaty monkey balls.

They run 2 grand worth of tests and all they can tell you is UM it went away so we are not worried that we didn't find anything wrong with you. they could have said your 7th chakra was out of alignment and the great circle of tirnine granted you cleansing.

But that is just me running off at the fingertips.

Night night all

SICK

2007-04-01T22:03:00.000-04:00

Not dying yet but wish I was. There is nothing worse than being sick when
u have things to do. Things u actually want to do. Nuts, now I am stuck. not
dead but feeling as though that where not such a bad state.
I do however get to try out Charles' new pocket pc thingie. Tiz cool
to surf from bed. guess it is all bad.

Though the touch screen typing thing is kinda hard.

Oh well, I guess I have to deal. I will check in later.
KAY

PS
Jan - can u call me monday. thanks

Black Women in Fantasy Art

2007-03-30T11:27:00.000-04:00

NONEXISTENT

That is what black women in fantasy art are. We are unseen. I am tired of it. If I want to have fantasy art in my house there are plenty of nice things out there. But to be realistic I do not want to walk around my house looking at half dressed white women all damn day. I purchase a lot of art. and a good portion of it depicts women like myself. Black strong and proud. But I can't get fantasy art which shows the same.

A few years ago at a science fiction convention called VisionConn in Middle of nowhere Missouri I say some small pieces by an artist I didn't know. i thought that it was the start of something. It was not. And I can not remember the name of that artist so that I could pay his extortionist's fees just to have some black sci-fi/fantasy art in my collection. To be perfectly honest I am from a very multiracial family and background so I do have a lot of all types of art but this particular subgroup is lacking and I am starting to get very disheartened to the fact that I can't even seam to find any on the web. I mean besides a few statues that cost a fortune. If anyone out there knows of any please let me know.

2006-10-09T01:56:00.000-04:00

2006-10-04T20:20:00.000-04:00

Yeah Audio

2006-10-04T14:22:00.000-04:00

Potter TRAPPED

2006-05-19T13:09:00.000-04:00

I am trapped.

Held hostage by the choices of my life.

I want to be a potter. To create great things out of ceramics and porcelain. But I am stuck in a dead end job behind a computer that is giving me Repetitive Stress Disorder so that I will not even be able to enjoy pottery when I retire. I will be crippled from the use of crappy non-ergonomic keyboards and mouse for mu professional career.

DAMN

I GOT TO GET OUT

Just a little truth for the ladies I located out there

2006-05-13T07:06:00.000-04:00

Why Geeks and Nerds Are Worth It...

In the wide world of dating, there are many options. Do you go for the flashy guy with the smooth smile, or the dude in the corner typing away on his laptop? The following are reasons why I think my fellow females should pay more attention to the quiet geeks and nerds, and less attention to the flashy boys.

1.) While geeks and nerds may be awkward, they’re well-meaning 9 out of 10 times. That smooth dude with the sly grin and the spider hands? Wonder what HIS intentions are... plus, I’ve never had a geek guy not call me when he said he would. Score major points THERE.

2.) They’re useful. In this tech-savvy world, it’s great to have a b/f who can make your laptop, desktop, and just about anything else that plugs into a wall behave itself.

3.) They’re more romantic than they’re given credit for. Ok true, their idea of romance might be to make up a spiffy web-page with all the reasons why they love you, with links to pics of you and sonnets and such... but hey. It lasts longer than flowers, plus you can show your friends.

4.) Due to their neglected status, there are plenty to choose from. You like ‘em tall and slender? There are plenty of geeks/nerds who are. You like ‘em smaller with more meat on their bones? Got that too.

5.) They’ve got brains. Come on now, how can intelligence be a bad thing?

6.) Most are quite good at remembering dates. Like birthdates and such, especially if they know it’ll make you happy. Due again to their neglected status, they’re more attentive than guys who “have more options”. Plus, with all that down time without a steady girlfriend, they’ll likely have mental lists of all the things they’d love to do once they GOT a girlfriend.

7.) Sex. Yep. Sex. I’m not really familiar with this myself, but I’ve friends who’ve been intimate with geek guys and it’s raves all around. They say a virgin wrote the Kama Sutra... all that time thinking about sex, imagining sex, dreaming about sex, (they are male after all) coupled with a desire to make you happy? Use your imagination.

8.) They’re relatively low-maintenance. Most can be fueled on pizza, Twinkies and Mt Dew. No complicated dinners needed here, so if you’re not the best cook, eh. Can you order a pizza?

9.) Most frequent bars as often as slugs frequent salt mines. You won’t have to worry much about your geek guy getting his “groove” on with club hotties because, frankly, he’ll be too busy rooting around under his computer wondering where that spare cable went. You won’t have to worry about him flirting with other women because, 9 out of 10 times, he’ll zip right by them in a perfect b-line towards the nearest electronics store. I’ve seen this happen.
Me: “Eww. Victoria Secret’s Models... They’re so skinny. How is that feminine? You can see her ribs!”
Geek Guy: “ooooooo...”
Me: “Hey!” *notices he is staring lustfully towards the computer store*
Geek Guy: “What?”
Me: “Never mind...”

10.) Although he may not want to go to every outing with you, you can arrange swaps, as in, you’ll go to his Gamer Con dressed as an elf princess if he’ll take you to the ballet. Plus, if he doesn’t want to go someplace with you, you won’t have to worry much about what he’s up to. You’ll probably come home to find him asleep on his keyboard in a sea of Mt. Dew cans with code blinking from the screen. It’s ok. He’s used to this. Just toss a blanket over him and turn out the light.

11.) His friends aren’t jerks. I can’t stress this enough. You’ll more likely get “Omg! A GIRL!! Can I see?!” than “Hey hot stuff back that ass up here and let me get some grub on...” They’re awkward geeks too and will, 9 times out of 10, treat you with the utmost respect and, more than likely, a note of awe. A cute girl picked one of their clan to date? It could happen to them! Hope! Drag some of your single girlfriends over, open up a pack of Mt. Dew, crack open the DnD set and get working. Nothing impresses geek guys more than a girl who can hack-n-slash (well ok maybe if she can code... a geek can dream).

12.) They’re rarely if ever possessive. They trust you, so you can be yourself around them. You like to walk around the house in a ratty t-shirt for comfort? He won’t care. He does too! They won’t get pissy if you don’t wear make-up or don’t want to bother primping your hair. If you gain a few pounds, they won’t try their best to make you feel like crap.

13.) They’re usually very well educated. Physics majors and the like. See #5. You won’t have to listen to him blathering on about his car (ok maybe a little), he’ll have loads of other interesting things to talk about. Politics, world events, how much the chicken burgers down at the local place rock, so long as you douse them in hot sauce...

14.) You’ll almost never have to hear, “Yaw dawg whazzap!!” plop out of their mouths. Unless it’s in jest. They spell properly, use correct punctuation, and are able to tell the difference between the toilet and the floor. They almost never get “wasted”, so you won’t have to worry about coming home to find him and his friends passed out on the floor amidst a pile of beer bottles. Mt. Dew cans, perhaps...

15.) And the final reason why geeks and nerds make great boyfriends: They actually give a damn about you. Not how you look (though that’s a plus), not how skinny you are, not how much make-up you primp yourself up with, but they like you for you. That kind of thing lasts longer than “DaMN baby you got a fine ass!!!” Believe me.

CHANGE not always bad

2006-05-10T10:02:00.000-04:00

OK huge Life changes to be dealt with. I now have a child. OK not mine just attached to my life. My Charles has a daughter, Anne, who he now has full custody of. OK so now I am weekday mom. Until they get visitation thing settled I am mom for now. OK so I am trying to teach the child things that to me she should have learned a hell of a long time ago. Frustrating as hell but necessary if she is to function as an adult.

BUT the great thing is I haves me a little girl to have fun with. SO SHOPPING TIME has in sued. I have got all kinds of stuff. Now I know a lot of kids are not into some stuff but I went and got sewing stuff. Knitting stuff, cross-stitch, even some appliqué stuff. The only thing she likes is things that glitter. This is the Bling-Blinginest little white girl I have ever met. Not at all a bad thing. I pretty much went with things I likes that that I liked at that age and it is a hole lot of fun to be planning a trip back to childhood. You know just the planning of all this has done wonders for my attitude. I am a pissy depressed person who doesn't like upset, but you know what this has gone extremely well. Though it has made some serious concerns surface.

What do parents do with their "Adult toys"…. Especially when they look like everyday items. IE exercise balls. I didn't know that kids loved the damn things so much. And I am like HOLY SHIT… Gotta hide everything. But I guess the everyday crap is not that much of a problem. I am just dreading her getting old enough to be curious about the locked things but that is a blog for another day.

Right now I am having a ball. We are going to learn to cross-stitch this weekend.

Ya handy craft.

-Kay

Invisible Neighbor

2006-05-09T11:46:00.000-04:00

Today there is a problem. We can all see the problems. We all overlook them and move on in your days expecting someone else to deal with the problem. SEP blindness. Someone Else's Problem. That is part of the problem. There was a time that children didn't disappear off the streets in droves, and no one has seen a thing. Evil doers used to be afraid to come into a neighborhood for fear that they would be seen as an outsider, someone who dose not belong. Now however most of us don't even know our neighbor. Hell I couldn't recognize my next-door neighbor if I say them at the grocer.

It is a spreading difficulty. When I was a child we had "Block Parties" and Community center pools and recreation centers. Now they build these huge ass neighborhoods without even a pool for the kids or a playground.

Well we all need to go out and meet our neighbors this weekend. I am going to bake a cake for the new people and see if we can't get to know some new people.

-Kay

THE BALL!!!

2006-05-01T10:58:00.000-04:00

OK at a store they are called "Stability/Exercise Ball" or some such thing. Now these are not expensive. Also on the market is the "Love Ball". Expensive as and the only added bonus is a position chart.

SOOO

I thought to myself that all I need do is purchase the largest workout ball I could find and PRESTO. Good times to be had by all.

Now let me just tell you that this is the best $10 I have spent for like a shit load of a time. So I went back and got a spare.

You can do some things on these balls that are FANTASTIC

OK Like

the ball is 75cm

it compresses as you support your weight on it.

Charles is very tall so if I sit on it he can kneel or balance for a higher angle.

I can straddle him for SERIOUS clitoral stimulation.

I am still working out the particulars.

ALL ladies out there need to go to their local wal-mart, "five or less", or whatever you have that you can get one. Spend the cash and experiment, have a screaming good time.

Now Charles and I have great sex on average. but this was that creaming back scaring disturbing the peace banging, haven't seen you in forever fucking.

Oh My GOD yes it was spectacular.

This is going to be something that I am going to enjoy exploring for it's funness. AND I want to attempt using multiple balls in different sizes.

Oh yeah entertainment for WEEKS.

Gotta go get some coffee. Y'all know I am not sleeping much.

-Later