comfortable silences
silence stretching
dead to the distance
tension building within
bringing forth the loss
unleashed in a scream
known fully seen
heard without judgment
my feelings rush into the silence with rapid beats
fighting to push away the touch
tears erased fears chastened
my heart sings washed in acceptance
held loved cherished
his
Saturday Party Time
Got roped into this party.
It was a nice party in a huge, beautiful, I will never own one like it, house. The dungeon in this place costs more then my entire house. There is a suspension pit. I hope I get to see that tonight. Me and Tracy got there decently late so as to not be first but still not be in the press trying to get acclimated.
Dear Goddess there are little things in leather all over the place its like we plucked the wings off a throng of faeries. Its so nice to watch them serve.
Tracy got into the suspension class and her suspension went very nice. Have just met a ton of people I am have a good time and actually being social at a play party for the first time ever. But around 11 I started to get bored as hell. Not to mention hot as the day is long. Hot tub is tempting but there are like 6 people I don't know in there so I think I will have to pass.
I have been noticed and am being watch. Fun. He's not bad looking. Very dramatic leathers, staff and all. And in a pack like most predators. Waits till he has my full attention and disengages from his pack. I am engaged in conversation by Stephan. I introduce myself make nice; then I smile very sweetly excuse myself and scamper off for my violet wand seminar back in the heat of the dungeon.
I sat in the coolest of the dungeon rooms the “shower” its a 10 X10 room with a built in tile bench about waist height for a tall man along one side with shower heads and other attachments along one wall and D-ring tie downs made into the walls ceiling and floor. It got so hot and humid through the violet wand demo the walls started to sweat,. Black and green marble tile everywhere and it was like the walls were weeping for the little screamer.
Spent the last few wandering around talking to people and molesting this very hot little thing in chinos when we happened to pass one another and trying to stay cool in all the heat.
More across the room looking with that Stephan guy. He is showing off with a friend and two girls in the corner. He is shorter then his buddy, but better muscle definition. Its a sexy ass package over there. You know it may be getting hotter in here. Move long and talk to some people in a group about a the electrical demo.
During our conversation S finishes with the low level play with his buddies and is headed in my direction. I just love it when men do that looking at you the whole way across the room thing. It is fucking great. Well needless to say when he passed I was looking then I looked away and went back to the conversation.
I turn to go and walk into a swinging flogger that is expertly pulled up at the last second as to not actually hit me. Nice. There he stands down to his leather pants and vest. Lost a shit but that manly look it just too much for him to give it up for the heat.
Be careful. Someone might hurt you.- so I looked him in the eye and just stated
No one has tried all night.
Well then would you loan me your body to demonstrate these – he holds up a set of paired floggers in black and silver.
Sure why not. - I whipped my shirt over my head, glad to be out of it in this heat, and tossed it to Tracy.
Grabbing some overhead bar as instructed I bet I look good all back lit in red like that. He starts off WAY slow..Hits my ass a couple times and I realize I am going to have to loose the pants if I want to feel this so I held up a hand for a stop and dropped my pants. Getting an approving grunt from my new friend. He comes in for a check in and asks.
Can you take more. - I couldn't help myself
You can start hitting me any time now. - and it was said with all kinds of bitch behind it.
He grabbed the tops of my panties and folded them down as he ad not asked to take them from me. Stood back and gave me a short sequence with the floggers it was ok but didn't produce a sound from me. Held up the finger again and took off the rolling panties.
I think he got the picture and he got with some very nice hitting. He switched to bare handed spanking for variety and because
You got an ass made for spanking.
Thanks – big ass grin.
And he proceeds to lay into my ass quite nicely. After as I sat on the floor listening to all the play that had erupted in the room while we played. I am exhausted I was up there in that heat for a while and it just drained me. S is supporting me rubbing me down. He takes my face in his and forces me to look at him. Then turns my face to see the room and all the activities
This is all for you. There was no hard play in here till I got that ass. Welcome to the party.
New day
New day
touched in time
clouded in mind
feelings so new
shared and profound
dig away the damage
pulled away through the pain
uncover me
find me
see me
I am
Saturday Goodness
Looking casual cute. but not really liking the outfit for some reason. speeding though no traffic. I'm not going to be late. I'm early as hell.. Oops.... . Ooh look a mall... two vises in one day, oh so nice. wander through the Lakebridge mall, or something like that., JC Penny is the only place open for their "Door Buster Sale" Find the PERFECT thing to fix my outfit. Just as I place it dipped just into my cleavage Tom calls he is making sure I found the place OK. Seeing as it is an hour before I am supposed to be there I hadn't expected that. I tell him I am at the mall across the street. I can hear the smile though the phone.
Give me 15 minutes and come to room 303.
But manage a dignified
Sure.
See you soon baby.
See you soon
got to the hotel right on time. I take the elevator to the 3rd and start to get nervous. Look at a door with a little rectangle that says 303 on it at eye level. I knock gently and wait.
The door opens and he cocks his head over to one side and says
Hey
Showing his inner New Englander. He pulls me into a huge hug as I stammer my hello as I see the room over his shoulder. Its a... um.. ah we will ignore that thing for now. The bed is made with Cranberry red satin sheets with yellow rose petals with a kiss of red of each petal scattered thickly across the huge thing. In the opposite corner there is a chair, with built in laptop tables, filled with an assortment of floggers, whips, paddles, rattan cane, etc. On the table to the right of that filled with feathers, fury things, and stuff I am not sure what they are but they look like they would tickle. Continuing right is the TV on a drawer thing. Next to that a smaller set of drawers with a picnic on it. Fruit, cheese, whine, something that looks like fudge and tiny little beads in a dish. After thinking about that a second I see patiently waiting as I take it all in. He gently takes my shoulder and helps me around the um...um.. center of the room, to the couch down the wall from the foot of the bed.. It is firm and solid and I realize I am freaking out just a little bit. Is that what I think it is. Hmm yes. We are talking about nothing. How was the drive, weathers windy blah blah. Can't stop staring at the black leather Sybian beneath a wooden um empty doorway?
Sorry what did you say.
Are you comfortable can I get you anything.
Wine would be nice I brought a bottle.
I just up glad to have found a reason to do something. I have energy all of a sudden. I open the bottle and pour wine into the two tiny tumblers in the room. I offer him one, which he takes and places on the rear of the table. He then turns to me
You are too nervous. Sit come sit down.
He didn't move toward me to try to touch me in any way. When I got very near him he touched my arm and I moved into the touch it felt good and stabilizing. I hadn't been breathing. He gently pulls me across him holds me to him
You look beautiful today.
He began kissing me, nibbling on my neck, touching my back, my arms, my face. He pulls back from me and I'm sitting on the couch whimpering at the loss of his lips on me and clutching his hand. He pats my hand and pulls both my hands to my lap and places them together.
Are you ready
I feel the panic again, he holds my gaze and waits.
Yes
That's my good girl.
He left me on the couch. I couldn't see what he was doing and the panic started to creep back in. His body straightened and he called me to him. I was to take off my clothes fold them and place them in a drawer with my glasses and jewelry, but leave my bra and panties..
Do you know the safe words?
Yes I do
What are the safe words
Yellow/Red
Good girl.
He walks me to the frame and places cuffs on my wrists and ankles. He places a blind fold over my head and moved me into the frame. He allows me to feel his body to find my balance and he chains first my arms up so high over head. Then he is gone and I hear music begin very softly. I can feel him touching my ankle pulling me to one side, the far far to the other. My legs are spread so wide I can just barely stand with all my weight on my feet.
What are the safe words
Yellow/Red
Good girl.
There were things that tickled and poked and a crapped. Making my skin sensitive all over. He touched my body and tickled me teasing my nipples and my exposed pussy. He found my clit and pushed me fast to a quick orgasm. Biting down on my neck and twisting my nipples he made it last.
You are to tell me when you cum.
He is gone, its startling to not feel his touch.
Do you understand
His hand is on the back of my neck stroking it
Yes I can remember
That's my good girl
Something soft and heavy is moving across my bottom between us, it flutters over my shoulder its gone. I flinch before it falls hard. Its the flogger I saw earlier. He slaps my ass, my back and shoulders working over my body slowly. The pulse and intensity of the blows increases. I love it. The pain is intense and sweet. I can feel the rhythm three same three , three harder, when I cry out to violently he pauses, once my feet are back on the ground he continues getting harder and harder and waiting for me to take the pain. And I want to take as much as he will give me. There come one set of three that I screamed and collapsed in to he cuffs. He was there rubbling a soft hand over my heated flesh. So cool and soft. Something is falling on me. Like hard rain. Over my breasts and neck my face I pull back I don't know what it is. Stinging whips to my breast have me gasping. My nipples are struck so fast, so hard, it is too much I cry out and the softness is there. Soothing all the stinging. My arms are free. Hanging limply at my sides. He frees my ankles and I start to sway. I can't find balance while blindfolded. He takes my blindfold to instruct me on how to mount the Sybian.
Mar 3rd, 2009
Ice
Well for the first time in well over 5 years I have fallen on the ice. And I do mean it sucked. It was cold and sudden and painful. I am not dead nor did I break the bone this time. But I am hurt and when it happened it was 5:30 am I was on my way out to the car so I guess its great no one was there to see it, but also no one was there to ---1 help me up, --2 help me to the car, -- or 3 make fun of me. I think in the absence of three I can sacrifice one and two. Yes in retrospect I think it is definitely acceptable.
Off to the grind
kisses
-k
Jan 15th, 2009
last night
I met her, she is great. she gives me power, and a reason to do things to him. I like her. I think she can keep me.
Jan 9th, 2009
OH MY FUCKING GODDESS
Yes Virginia there is a Santa Clause!
Do you know what this beautiful wonderful gorgious man just told me. hehe
I am almost giddy.
Dec 30th, 2008
last sunday
There’s a couple I know they consist of a guy named Chris and a chick named Tina. The first time I met them Tina offered me her husband. The second time I met them she did it again. So I decided to take her up on her offer.
We met up at their place at about 2 and watch a show on TV and chatted. Decided what we wanted to do set limits and went to the dungeon. They have a great place I tell you.
Lets see we tried the spanking bench and he demonstrated the difference between “sting” and “thud” as they pertain to sensation basic working out a useful vocabulary. And I was able to better judge what I do and do not like and why. He had a great time whipping me with this set of straps. I was having a crazy good time and then he was fingering my pussy and whipping me I was in heaven and cuming uncontrollably. There was some cane action but I can’t rightly tell you when it happened. Then he covered me with a super soft blanket thing and detached the chains and took me to bed.
I thought I was getting a nice brake, no he had other ideas. The spanking bench is nice but you only get to torment one side of the body. So his idea was to get the front. He put clamps on my nipples and proceeded to see just how many he could get on my tits. We ran out at 100. I will take some more next time. After he had taken all the clamps off except the ones on my nipples he licked my pussy and pulled on those two clamps I was screaming and cuming and it was fantastic. Somewhere at the height of the last orgasm he took off the clamps and when I came back to myself he was sucking my nipples.
We just kinda lay there all evening and talked and made out and it was nice no real sex though but there was a ton or oral going on.
To bottom without submission
This is what he said. "Just because you bottom doesn't mean you have to submit." At the time whispered in my ear... exactly what I wanted to hear. So the new question. Is this possible?, or is it just the starting lure. I once heard him tell a friend, "Make them comfortable and they will hand you their soul." At the time I thought he was kidding. but now I don't know
Dec 5th, 2008
I need a vacation
OK I was actually doing ok for a little bit. But now i am done. they can take the rest of this month and shove it.
Dec 3rd, 2008
Confused RunOn
I need something I am so listless right now. and to be honest the first time I have had energy to do anything constructive was for about a week after the sourness went away from my first whippin. OK you being a more normal person may not know what it is like to live in a perpetual depressed state its called dysthymia, which breaks down to having been depressed since puberty. No real lasting treatment. and I can't stay with the habitual things I need to do to change it. Like socializing, diet, exercise, housework. I have no stick to it ness. my thought being; can I find this motivation outside myself without losing too much of myself in the bargain. I mean I am a capable person I just don't do anything. ever. at the moment I have a tiny trickle of encouragement but now that I know I don't have to do anything he wants me to do and he will never know. it kinda killed that. some kind of accountability or something. but I guess i may just need to find someone who i can't conceal from. OK granted there is a class of male that always starts there but they always end up Right back in the pack. Not that the pack is a bad place to be i just don't feel the necessity to make them happy above my own. That feeling is usually fleeting at best. Maybe I am just don't to have to come to grips with the fact that I am overly complicated and that I will probably always be a little unsatisfied.
Dec 3rd, 2008
Wednesday bust
Well that's just great.
I am all cute and he is not even going to show up. Asshole. so what if you are sick and dying.
DAMN IT
I need attention.
Freaken great now I have to feel all bad cause I want the attention more then I care about his health. I am ok with that. or i will be
Dec 2nd, 2008
What was that
I agreed to lunch
what was I thinking
No I don't think I am thinking. I got to use my brain not my libido to think with. OK.
Here's what we are going to do. Under no circumstances are we going to go straight to that lunch and tell him exactly what we think.
NO we do not want a relationship with him. But would appreciate some help in finding a suitable play partner.
OK that's the best thing to do.
That will keep us out of trouble and fights
OK that's what we are going to do if the resolve holds out.
Goddess help me keep away from this man
I know what it is about him. I have a slight problem with men like him. I want to fight and they are more then willing to give me one. Just hope there are more where he came from.
feeling the need to just escape
Damn who would have though that I could sit and stress about something so damn easy.
wow I am so freaken girlie at times it scares me.
Dec 2nd, 2008
swirling thoughts
Dec 1st, 2008
feelin too much
Can't think of anything else besides things I shouldn't
I know that a friend of mine is involved with him but he keeps on doing things that are not fair
how the hell am I supposed to be all on the side of good when someone is waving the bad things in my face
telling me I can have whatever i want
What the fuck is that about
i mean really
it just isn't fair to say to someone " you know you want it you know you can have it you just have to pay for it"
Torturous bastard.
It is not fair. I don't even really know anything about this person and I am tied between wanting to flog him till he bleeds. and wanting that treatment.
Conflicted
Just want to tear his head off and kick it.
Nov 17th, 2008
Morning
People are buying Christmas trees. it is the 17Th of November. What the hell is wrong with people. If you get a real tree this early it will be a big stick by new years. I guess they don't keep them up till Easter like my family always does. How odd, to me the Christmas tree is something that is done right after the 1st of December. sometimes closer to the actual day depending on money and time to take care of it. Cause if you want those puppies to last you have to give them care and lots of attention.
Nov 12th, 2008
Saw another one
Saw another deer last night. Just walking through my yard. he was small. little tiny antlers, kinda healthy looking though. Very pretty. I almost missed him. I was in my car coming home from the grocery store. I pulled in. got out of the car and looked over the car and there he was about 15 feet away just looking at me. He kinda looks up the yard and walks along looking over at me to see what I am doing. then he is gone. So I get out and take my things into the garage. When I come back out for the next load he is there again looking out of small hedge at me. So I watch him for a little while and when he seams disintested in me I went on with getting the groceries. He didn't run off just stepped back a bit when I came around to empty the car on his side. it was cool.
Its here again
Mondays are such a suck morning. Not that I am a morning person at all. Really those first hours of the day I might be awake because I like to see the sun rise but that doesn't mean I want to deal with ignorance at o'dark-thirty. I mean really. Who made it a law that the best hours of the day we either have to spend in traffic or sitting at out desks wonder why the hell we got out of the bed. Oh man I need to pep up before I become the HR problem again. Eh I hate people. OK that's not true I hate the stupid, backwards, pain in the ass, shit that people do when they think they can get away with it.
Woke up feeling good
Well didn't wake up feeling good. Woke up to anxiety and a feeling of dread just like the last election. This time though I was pleasantly surprised as I walked to the computer to see all that blue in the right places.
I am happy. feeling optimistic for the first time in a long time. And really to be honest I just wanted to get back in my bed and wait for the new day to dawn. there is so much work to do to repair all this damage. But we have taken the first step. Thumbs Up to all who went out and voted. Who showed their support. And for all those Black People for McCain. You should be ashamed of yourselves... FOR-REAL MCCAIN. I am glad the brainwash didn't take all over.
Oct 27th, 2008
Monday Monday
OK it is Monday and I am here at work trying not to get fired as usual. But today is a Monday with a plan. And a new outlook on things forgotten. Not yelling nearly as much but still want to do away with some people. But I am getting laid so not too much to complain about. and whats the point at times you think people are there and care and at other times you wish you could just take all your money and leave town.... Fill the gas tank and just live where it runs out.
Sunday Round 2
Raise head look around take a languid stretch mind the sore spots.
No longer nervous. Kinda feeling hungry for more.
A St. Andrews Cross, Intimidating thing, tall and cool to the touch, smooth, hard.
What people are talking to me gotta sit up from my comfy slumped over warm place on the super great couch.
So when can we start. Yeah Now is good. Up and down to the knees to get shackled. back up to get chained onto this monstrosity of wood and metal. very cool on my naked warm skin. Blindfold lowered. Silence movement
It has begun again shoulders first spatula I think. stingy and dull nice relaxing. Feels great I think there are two. I think this is so wonderful ... squeal.... that's so freaken sore so nice hurt it again.
there is a spiky thing sunning down my body very sharp tickly there .. and there. and I like it .
stranger sensation making me kinda squirmy - told to stay still for the knife. oh and my favorite flogger is back all over my body is nice sharp there,... leather strap thing is hurting .... moaning and nearly climbing this cross. Intense and want more harder longer more now. Feeling incredible as more implements are passed over my body, thoughts faded floating on the sensations. Nearly cum as something is clamped onto my nipples, if feel so fucking good want more. getting a little loud to myself moment to breath good. Yes I am breathing. flogged whipped clams removed, god I love that part. want them back on but I am being taken down again. felt like minutes was 45 of them told I need to rest a sec while they set up a Violet wand to work out. Tom walks through makes a safety check as I straddle a chair. I'm good. Oh that tingles can it go higher. I feel it better now higher oh. Right there. OK this is an intensely surprisingly erotic sensation that tingles the tows and makes the nipples seam to itch or tingle or vibrate yes vibrate. Shown items as they are being tried. a fluorescent tube with prongs on the end light up as contact is made. so cool and huts in a hard way shit shit shit "shit... shits not the safe word" I am told and it continues to travel liquid fire up my back shiny streamer looking thing "Wand Flogger" is pretty don't see how that will work. Works great.... ever little tiny mylar fringe shocks are moved over my gyrating flesh. I am in love. Want more need more guess I gotta get dressed now. not at all what I want to do but hey it was grand And yes I will be doing this again as soon as I can.
Sunday round 1
My mood: very delighted
Sunday after a good two days of sex with me hubby I have an appointment for more forms or torture. Limping on one hip already this ought to be good.
Driving slow to pick up the stand in ass whipper. trying to be calm in the traffic that is killing me a little, grab Chele and head out to the dungeon. Takes a while with traffic and trying to stay calm as to not overly agitate the one who will be responsible for my pain this evening.
Arrive at a picturesque setting complete with dogs and a lake, what a place to be nude.
So into the house we go super nice place with a basement that is to die for.
Dungeon out of a nice dirty mag really. Spanking bench and St. Andrew's cross in cherry finish, steel tie-downs, and leather padding. in short heaven, and that's just the first room
around to the left there is a lovely massage table next to a small end table filled with a wax bath and an assortment of candles. Continue through and there is a huge soft king size bed with tons of pillows.
so we go on in and start unpacking as our host is out but on the way. so she opens up a bag that holds a lot of shit and starts pulling out these THINGS
3 floggers
Ridding Bat
Dogging Bat
3 paddles
clamps
and a blindfold
And this is supposed to be the starter kit.
I am nervous at this point in my bra and panties stalling like a virgin.
OK run to car o clear head. Pace a bit and drink juice. Think that the no play under the influence is a suck rule. suck it up and go back inside it is cold out here.
Inside trying on the bench for size and shortening it for comfort. it has a nice weight hella sturdy and supportive without being hard nice construction.
Can I get the blindfold now.... apparently only naked people get blindfolds so off it all came
I am getting shackled and being made to sit on my knees. none too sure about that one. working through it.
led to the bench and draped across it to find a comfortable position. not bad kinda odd on the tits but they seam to be working it out with the help of gravity.
I get my blindfold and am chained to it. Am instructed to not talk, scream all I want, answer the question and stay otherwise silent
Not sure about this leather and its potential to stick to my ....
not thinking about that anymore as the first flogger makes a silent arch and contacts with my ass all unexpectedly. Not bad didn't hurt now that one kinda did. and that next . and the next.
different pain now lovely pain glancing off parts of me in really nice ways.
wonder if I can get hit harder. Not supposed to talk, ok decide to stay quiet as the object changes and I like the feel so much just makes me whimper into the leather pillow.
think I am biting it a bit so shift a bit... change again and this one hurts really nicely intencly want it harder felling really nice and the blur begins, I can hear myself I can hear the questions, saftly checks mostly, must breath, fell the pressure, breath, can't breath know I need to stop holding my breath can't..... that fixed it. back to that hard flogger that is just wonderful. can't really identify anything else like it so know it. Everything else blurs. long pause wonder whats going on over.... never mind hard unidentifiable thing contacting my ass want more harder faster. What question missed one I don't know umm maybe " brain screaming just hit me again"
gota think here yes I am ok. nice hot hands rubbing me with lotion nice soothing. feels great.
I am unchained and covered in something that feels like warm fuzzy. dizzy now stay here for a little bit. yes i am ok. its only been a few minutes why do I gotta get down. oh an hour and some. really didn't notice all that. ok i guess i could do with a rest.
can i do it again
in a little bit great. snuggle down in the bestist couch on earth. dark
Ouch Ouch Ouch
OK gave it a try. Had a great time. tried out a bunch of stuff. ready for more.
Oct 9th, 2008
only one nostril
OK so I have only one nostril. well I have two but only one is working at the moment. Got a sinus infection over last weekend and it is still kicking my bootie with all kinds of meds and things trying to chase it down. I am so tired. but I have slept a bunch and can't do it any more. AAAAAHHH I hate being sick. Time to find another movie.
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