ode to Daddy

You are there for me always. Even when I am at my worst. If I can call with a problem between work hours monday through friday.

You make me feel like Im the bestest little girl ever. Some of the time. Others you make me feel like I am not "enough". 

You spank my ass and cause me all kinds of good pains. though I could use a few that have been missing. I could use less tears.

i love being your little girl. Though another lives my place. years is a hell of a wait

You bling up my Christmas cause "thats what your little girl likes".  odd that it feels like a bribe to overlook. 

I am so tired of being in my place out of my place. Freedom is starting to look nice from over here. freedom is lonely.

Life as a never was

Well its official I am 30 and a looser. worse yet I have realized I am a never was. People always say so pretty and talented you should be something by now. Well guess what "I AN NOT ANYTHING"  Even my fall back plan of have a family so at least you can say you were something to someone failed like an ice-cube on the wrong side of the gates of hell. I just don't get it. All those fucking people lied to me they said pretty people have it easy. NO the truth is pretty people with the backing to become famous people have it easy. When you are poor and pretty all it gets you is people thinking you are dumb. Also men who know you are dumb and lonely enough to be their whore while they look for a "girl to settle down with" so every time you see an ex the rest of your life he is ALWAYS married/committed to some homely usually heavy chick. Why I sit and watch my life never happen. I cant even remember the last time I had a dream of any kind that was just about me. Its always sacrificing for someone else cause thats what I was supposed to do. Well guess what it didn't do me a damn bit of good the universe is still shitting on me like I was told would only happen if I was selfish and did whatever the fuck I want. In fact a large majority of the people I know who are doing ok or better then ok are because of dishonesty or what do they call it exaggeration a little fudging or whatever in short doing whatever they had to do get what they wanted. Thanks a lot for the lie

Depression is just like home

Guess who is depressed here. this gal. My life is just not fun right now. and I am fucking tired of it. 

it just isn't fair. Fair what the fuck is fair. Nothing. Life is the one totally unfair thing we much all endure. 

You know I have been this way forever. taking a couple of forays into that normal shit but really i don't like it. 

cause I always am back here. 

useless to the world

not good enough for anyone ever

always such a nice girl why are you still single

well thats easy cause Im me and I'll be this way forever

and its a horrid day in the neighborhood

Jobless.... again.... Not sure i can take this at christmas. Why is it that shitty things like to come in packs so you feel like all of creation is tell you that you suck a bunch. 

Glad I get to spend christmas in my place will be homeless on the first of the year. YA 

lost info

catch up information

me and my friend Tracy are sharing a place with two guys we know.

cramped but theres a pool in the back yard so I am not complaining.

so tracy Kurt and ron

we all live in the little house near the woods. which is nice.... less neighbors to call the police as we are all bdsm oriented and there can usually be heard someone's screams of good pain.

me Im working on a divorce, so is Tracy.... and Kurt..... Ron didn't marry his mistake

oh well we are all living and learning.

Confusion

Well.... when you tell a man(A). I want out because you are squishing my soul...... (read that as:I have found a man(B) who likes all the parts of me that you say that you don't want me to have and that I should try to resist these things cause they are unbecoming behaviors for your property to have..... )

then sometimes you get a kick in the ass cause that same man(A) may stand up and say what is it that you need, I love you and you shall have it..... Be prepared for that.... I wasn't.... Now I haven't slept... Eaten... I feel sick... and I have no clue what to do from  here.... What... Why are you mocking me out there....

Two men who care for me...
A. been together a while. saying all the right things. doing all the right things. offering all the right things.
B. just offering himself to me hmm

I don't know... must think... sleep too.

Friday Friday Friday

Well Thursday night was a freakin riot. Hung out with a friend of mine from PA. The man is a marvelous genuine gentleman of a caliber you just don't see today. Thomas you are just what the doctor ordered. Sometime it is better to spend an entire evening being charmingly flirted up by a man who you know isn't trying to get into your pants. Refreshing is a real and true way.

Staying for the sex

OK I heard a disturbing Strawberry letter this morning on the Steve Harvey Morning Show. It was great. Girl stuck with dude cause the sex is GREAT. OK I been there. I married mines. But I damn sure knew I shouldn't when I did it. Come on people. If good sex made a good relationship then there are people in everyone's past they would never have left/let go. Sex is physical and that isn't everything. I felt bad for the woman but hey you have to grow up some time.

And here's the first candidate

What do you call him. that guy that comes right after a breakup..... the Rebound man is in town people. And he has his A game on.
And I plan on falling for it with grace and wallowing in the attention.

Some day soon I will realize that it is super temporarly but at the moment I am enjoying Mr. Right Now.

He is fabulous. To the salon for a Mani-Pedi, Then lets jump on this man while he is hot.

Bullshit and some more

This ass <read my wonderful husband> just emailed my family screenshots of my fetpage <a fetish oriented community page similar to facebook>. Hmm I may need bail money. I would also like to point out that its not that my family isn't evolved in my life a lot of them know some of what I do but it isn't anyone's place to inform your family about your private life. After letting that ass back in my life after he trashed all my online accounts, email addresses, and community pages last year, I should have known that it wasn't worth the second chance.

Floundering like a fishy

Life sucks so bad at the moment I am actually considering taking to a life of crime. Living by the rules hasn't gotten me shit. I am 30. yes fucking 30, speeding toward a divorce, childless cause my only kids were his from another relationship. So I am old and by the time, read IF, I find someone I will be to old to procreate. My biological clock did some math and just closed up the show. To top it all off I got notice on friday that the job I hate is ending in four weeks YA. Glad I never had time for a vacation now. I will get that paid out in cash now at least. The words "Ready for a Change" have never felt so appropriate.

So I'm Listening.

Day one of posting a lot

OK I am trying to get back to posting a lot more. I tend to not post if life is getting the better of me and lookie here I haven't seen my peeps in a year. damn its been a rough one. I am lonely as the day is long. bored and I hate laundry. which is all I have to do on a Friday night.  To hell with that I am going out damn it. So choices choices.

the only choice I have is to not be bored. will write more on that on Saturday if I got to go out.


Friday at work:
short staffed and picking up the slack everywhere. so who the hell is going to pick up the slack for me.

Well being checkin:
No sex....  no fun.... ammunition.... um people may need to run a little

Physical state:
smokin sexy.... Yeah we're good.

And we're back

Well that didn't take too long.

sadly I am singleish again. ish because we are just separated right now.

Not sure how I feel.

angry and cheated mostly so what better to do then blog blog blog it out.

Ya

The Long Silence

Well I survived an enitre 2 days of silence...

I thought I was going to keel over from the loneliness of it all.

But seriously folks. is it that men in general can feel the "weakened prey" of a female hurting and having problems....

Saturday. Every Dom I have ever had the pleasure of speaking with socially called, txt, IM, or jumped on my fetpage. I had to look around to see if I had posted about the fight or something. Maybe it was the universe testing me. Maybe not. But I think I passed with flying colors and didn't have a one nighter with anyone. 

There's got to be an improvement medal out there some place for that.

Ya---Booo

why is it that when we have a good time there is always something to come along to make us feel like shit again.  It like the good feelings aren't supposed to last more then a minute. But it doesn't work the other way around. when bad shit happens it just keeps on coming there isn't anything there to lift you up a bit. no the world is designed to keep us all miserable.

Monday Monday

You know how much I love a monday. I am tired and needs to see my Daddy here soon or I am going to go bratzerk on the world. I feel neglected.... Though I did get to see him just a bit ago but DAMN I need attention and lots and lots of orgasms.... hell I need to get my mind off it... hmm lets see. on the way to work today I realized one great thing. ITS PAYDAY. so Nice there. AND the traffic wasn't terrible so good on that. Well I will be wishing for a less tense day so I can relax a bit. Woot.

And so we fall

We did it. We said yes. but to what you may ask. well to being accountable to another human being. a great one but another person just the same. what the hell was i thinking with this one.well so much for my wild fun. we are going to miss running wild to parties and hotel excoursions. but pulling in some of that will give me time to develop a relationship...... ewww when you say it like that it sounds like a bad thing. Oh well. well shall see. More later

kisses

From Email

I don't know why it makes me this happy to just see him get a hug a kiss and playful swat to the ass. I miss him when I can not see him. damn near had a meltdown the day I got cancled on. Feels like the best kind, feels like lust.

 

 

Testing Email Post

This is to see if the email post is editing properly.

 

This is just a test.

 

In the event of a real post there will be lots of driping details about my torrid sexlife.

 

Kisses

 

-k

Sent to me by a friend this morning. I just love it so i thought I would share.


Have you ever slept with evil
Or taken the devil's hand
Only a woman who has
Can truly understand

The difference between making love
And really getting FUCKED...
Have you experienced the latter
Well then you're in luck

There's no room for reverency
No taboos or holy groundI
t's when your boyfriend takes you
While your husband's still around

It's like when you were just a teen
And got laid in your parents' bed
Or that time at church, during mass
When you thought about giving head

It's ropes, and gags, and blindfolds
Hot oils and creams
It's fingernails drawing blood
Moans, and groans, and screams

It's acting like a bad girl
And having your lover spank youI
t's asking PLEASE may I suck your cock
And then saying, Thank you

It's getting down on all fours
Or getting fucked legs up
It's squeezes, bites, and pinches
'Til you admit you love it rough

It's going in like a girl scout
And coming out like a whore
It's bragging that you don't need it
Then begging for more

Put on all the frills you want
It won't change what you crave
For even the strongest woman
Sometimes needs to be a slave

So baby, ditch the angel act
And forget the good conduct
Your magic man is here to please
And you're gonna get FUCKED

Author Unknown at the moment