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Thursday, December 23
To the Max
ode to Daddy
Life as a never was
Sunday, December 12
Depression is just like home
Wednesday, December 1
and its a horrid day in the neighborhood
Friday, November 12
lost info
me and my friend Tracy are sharing a place with two guys we know.
cramped but theres a pool in the back yard so I am not complaining.
so tracy Kurt and ron
we all live in the little house near the woods. which is nice.... less neighbors to call the police as we are all bdsm oriented and there can usually be heard someone's screams of good pain.
me Im working on a divorce, so is Tracy.... and Kurt..... Ron didn't marry his mistake
oh well we are all living and learning.
Thursday, October 28
Confusion
then sometimes you get a kick in the ass cause that same man(A) may stand up and say what is it that you need, I love you and you shall have it..... Be prepared for that.... I wasn't.... Now I haven't slept... Eaten... I feel sick... and I have no clue what to do from here.... What... Why are you mocking me out there....
Two men who care for me...
A. been together a while. saying all the right things. doing all the right things. offering all the right things.
B. just offering himself to me hmm
I don't know... must think... sleep too.
Friday, October 22
Friday Friday Friday
Wednesday, October 20
Staying for the sex
Monday, October 18
And here's the first candidate
And I plan on falling for it with grace and wallowing in the attention.
Some day soon I will realize that it is super temporarly but at the moment I am enjoying Mr. Right Now.
He is fabulous. To the salon for a Mani-Pedi, Then lets jump on this man while he is hot.
Tuesday, October 5
Bullshit and some more
Monday, October 4
Floundering like a fishy
So I'm Listening.
Friday, September 24
Day one of posting a lot
the only choice I have is to not be bored. will write more on that on Saturday if I got to go out.
Friday at work:
short staffed and picking up the slack everywhere. so who the hell is going to pick up the slack for me.
Well being checkin:
No sex.... no fun.... ammunition.... um people may need to run a little
Physical state:
smokin sexy.... Yeah we're good.
Wednesday, September 22
And we're back
sadly I am singleish again. ish because we are just separated right now.
Not sure how I feel.
angry and cheated mostly so what better to do then blog blog blog it out.
Ya
Monday, January 11
The Long Silence
I thought I was going to keel over from the loneliness of it all.
But seriously folks. is it that men in general can feel the "weakened prey" of a female hurting and having problems....
Saturday. Every Dom I have ever had the pleasure of speaking with socially called, txt, IM, or jumped on my fetpage. I had to look around to see if I had posted about the fight or something. Maybe it was the universe testing me. Maybe not. But I think I passed with flying colors and didn't have a one nighter with anyone.
There's got to be an improvement medal out there some place for that.
Monday, September 21
Ya---Booo
Monday, September 14
Monday Monday
Friday, September 11
And so we fall
kisses
Monday, July 20
From Email
Thursday, July 2
Testing Email Post
Thursday, June 4
Have you ever slept with evil
Or taken the devil's hand
Only a woman who has
Can truly understand
The difference between making love
And really getting FUCKED...
Have you experienced the latter
Well then you're in luck
There's no room for reverency
No taboos or holy groundI
t's when your boyfriend takes you
While your husband's still around
It's like when you were just a teen
And got laid in your parents' bed
Or that time at church, during mass
When you thought about giving head
It's ropes, and gags, and blindfolds
Hot oils and creams
It's fingernails drawing blood
Moans, and groans, and screams
It's acting like a bad girl
And having your lover spank youI
t's asking PLEASE may I suck your cock
And then saying, Thank you
It's getting down on all fours
Or getting fucked legs up
It's squeezes, bites, and pinches
'Til you admit you love it rough
It's going in like a girl scout
And coming out like a whore
It's bragging that you don't need it
Then begging for more
Put on all the frills you want
It won't change what you crave
For even the strongest woman
Sometimes needs to be a slave
So baby, ditch the angel act
And forget the good conduct
Your magic man is here to please
And you're gonna get FUCKED
Author Unknown at the moment
Thursday, May 21
Catchup Number 2
comfortable silences
silence stretching
dead to the distance
tension building within
bringing forth the loss
unleashed in a scream
known fully seen
heard without judgment
my feelings rush into the silence with rapid beats
fighting to push away the touch
tears erased fears chastened
my heart sings washed in acceptance
held loved cherished
his
Saturday Party Time
Got roped into this party.
It was a nice party in a huge, beautiful, I will never own one like it, house. The dungeon in this place costs more then my entire house. There is a suspension pit. I hope I get to see that tonight. Me and Tracy got there decently late so as to not be first but still not be in the press trying to get acclimated.
Dear Goddess there are little things in leather all over the place its like we plucked the wings off a throng of faeries. Its so nice to watch them serve.
Tracy got into the suspension class and her suspension went very nice. Have just met a ton of people I am have a good time and actually being social at a play party for the first time ever. But around 11 I started to get bored as hell. Not to mention hot as the day is long. Hot tub is tempting but there are like 6 people I don't know in there so I think I will have to pass.
I have been noticed and am being watch. Fun. He's not bad looking. Very dramatic leathers, staff and all. And in a pack like most predators. Waits till he has my full attention and disengages from his pack. I am engaged in conversation by Stephan. I introduce myself make nice; then I smile very sweetly excuse myself and scamper off for my violet wand seminar back in the heat of the dungeon.
I sat in the coolest of the dungeon rooms the “shower” its a 10 X10 room with a built in tile bench about waist height for a tall man along one side with shower heads and other attachments along one wall and D-ring tie downs made into the walls ceiling and floor. It got so hot and humid through the violet wand demo the walls started to sweat,. Black and green marble tile everywhere and it was like the walls were weeping for the little screamer.
Spent the last few wandering around talking to people and molesting this very hot little thing in chinos when we happened to pass one another and trying to stay cool in all the heat.
More across the room looking with that Stephan guy. He is showing off with a friend and two girls in the corner. He is shorter then his buddy, but better muscle definition. Its a sexy ass package over there. You know it may be getting hotter in here. Move long and talk to some people in a group about a the electrical demo.
During our conversation S finishes with the low level play with his buddies and is headed in my direction. I just love it when men do that looking at you the whole way across the room thing. It is fucking great. Well needless to say when he passed I was looking then I looked away and went back to the conversation.
I turn to go and walk into a swinging flogger that is expertly pulled up at the last second as to not actually hit me. Nice. There he stands down to his leather pants and vest. Lost a shit but that manly look it just too much for him to give it up for the heat.
Be careful. Someone might hurt you.- so I looked him in the eye and just stated
No one has tried all night.
Well then would you loan me your body to demonstrate these – he holds up a set of paired floggers in black and silver.
Sure why not. - I whipped my shirt over my head, glad to be out of it in this heat, and tossed it to Tracy.
Grabbing some overhead bar as instructed I bet I look good all back lit in red like that. He starts off WAY slow..Hits my ass a couple times and I realize I am going to have to loose the pants if I want to feel this so I held up a hand for a stop and dropped my pants. Getting an approving grunt from my new friend. He comes in for a check in and asks.
Can you take more. - I couldn't help myself
You can start hitting me any time now. - and it was said with all kinds of bitch behind it.
He grabbed the tops of my panties and folded them down as he ad not asked to take them from me. Stood back and gave me a short sequence with the floggers it was ok but didn't produce a sound from me. Held up the finger again and took off the rolling panties.
I think he got the picture and he got with some very nice hitting. He switched to bare handed spanking for variety and because
You got an ass made for spanking.
Thanks – big ass grin.
And he proceeds to lay into my ass quite nicely. After as I sat on the floor listening to all the play that had erupted in the room while we played. I am exhausted I was up there in that heat for a while and it just drained me. S is supporting me rubbing me down. He takes my face in his and forces me to look at him. Then turns my face to see the room and all the activities
This is all for you. There was no hard play in here till I got that ass. Welcome to the party.
New day
New day
touched in time
clouded in mind
feelings so new
shared and profound
dig away the damage
pulled away through the pain
uncover me
find me
see me
I am
Saturday Goodness
Looking casual cute. but not really liking the outfit for some reason. speeding though no traffic. I'm not going to be late. I'm early as hell.. Oops.... . Ooh look a mall... two vises in one day, oh so nice. wander through the Lakebridge mall, or something like that., JC Penny is the only place open for their "Door Buster Sale" Find the PERFECT thing to fix my outfit. Just as I place it dipped just into my cleavage Tom calls he is making sure I found the place OK. Seeing as it is an hour before I am supposed to be there I hadn't expected that. I tell him I am at the mall across the street. I can hear the smile though the phone.
Give me 15 minutes and come to room 303.
But manage a dignified
Sure.
See you soon baby.
See you soon
got to the hotel right on time. I take the elevator to the 3rd and start to get nervous. Look at a door with a little rectangle that says 303 on it at eye level. I knock gently and wait.
The door opens and he cocks his head over to one side and says
Hey
Showing his inner New Englander. He pulls me into a huge hug as I stammer my hello as I see the room over his shoulder. Its a... um.. ah we will ignore that thing for now. The bed is made with Cranberry red satin sheets with yellow rose petals with a kiss of red of each petal scattered thickly across the huge thing. In the opposite corner there is a chair, with built in laptop tables, filled with an assortment of floggers, whips, paddles, rattan cane, etc. On the table to the right of that filled with feathers, fury things, and stuff I am not sure what they are but they look like they would tickle. Continuing right is the TV on a drawer thing. Next to that a smaller set of drawers with a picnic on it. Fruit, cheese, whine, something that looks like fudge and tiny little beads in a dish. After thinking about that a second I see patiently waiting as I take it all in. He gently takes my shoulder and helps me around the um...um.. center of the room, to the couch down the wall from the foot of the bed.. It is firm and solid and I realize I am freaking out just a little bit. Is that what I think it is. Hmm yes. We are talking about nothing. How was the drive, weathers windy blah blah. Can't stop staring at the black leather Sybian beneath a wooden um empty doorway?
Sorry what did you say.
Are you comfortable can I get you anything.
Wine would be nice I brought a bottle.
I just up glad to have found a reason to do something. I have energy all of a sudden. I open the bottle and pour wine into the two tiny tumblers in the room. I offer him one, which he takes and places on the rear of the table. He then turns to me
You are too nervous. Sit come sit down.
He didn't move toward me to try to touch me in any way. When I got very near him he touched my arm and I moved into the touch it felt good and stabilizing. I hadn't been breathing. He gently pulls me across him holds me to him
You look beautiful today.
He began kissing me, nibbling on my neck, touching my back, my arms, my face. He pulls back from me and I'm sitting on the couch whimpering at the loss of his lips on me and clutching his hand. He pats my hand and pulls both my hands to my lap and places them together.
Are you ready
I feel the panic again, he holds my gaze and waits.
Yes
That's my good girl.
He left me on the couch. I couldn't see what he was doing and the panic started to creep back in. His body straightened and he called me to him. I was to take off my clothes fold them and place them in a drawer with my glasses and jewelry, but leave my bra and panties..
Do you know the safe words?
Yes I do
What are the safe words
Yellow/Red
Good girl.
He walks me to the frame and places cuffs on my wrists and ankles. He places a blind fold over my head and moved me into the frame. He allows me to feel his body to find my balance and he chains first my arms up so high over head. Then he is gone and I hear music begin very softly. I can feel him touching my ankle pulling me to one side, the far far to the other. My legs are spread so wide I can just barely stand with all my weight on my feet.
What are the safe words
Yellow/Red
Good girl.
There were things that tickled and poked and a crapped. Making my skin sensitive all over. He touched my body and tickled me teasing my nipples and my exposed pussy. He found my clit and pushed me fast to a quick orgasm. Biting down on my neck and twisting my nipples he made it last.
You are to tell me when you cum.
He is gone, its startling to not feel his touch.
Do you understand
His hand is on the back of my neck stroking it
Yes I can remember
That's my good girl
Something soft and heavy is moving across my bottom between us, it flutters over my shoulder its gone. I flinch before it falls hard. Its the flogger I saw earlier. He slaps my ass, my back and shoulders working over my body slowly. The pulse and intensity of the blows increases. I love it. The pain is intense and sweet. I can feel the rhythm three same three , three harder, when I cry out to violently he pauses, once my feet are back on the ground he continues getting harder and harder and waiting for me to take the pain. And I want to take as much as he will give me. There come one set of three that I screamed and collapsed in to he cuffs. He was there rubbling a soft hand over my heated flesh. So cool and soft. Something is falling on me. Like hard rain. Over my breasts and neck my face I pull back I don't know what it is. Stinging whips to my breast have me gasping. My nipples are struck so fast, so hard, it is too much I cry out and the softness is there. Soothing all the stinging. My arms are free. Hanging limply at my sides. He frees my ankles and I start to sway. I can't find balance while blindfolded. He takes my blindfold to instruct me on how to mount the Sybian.
Mar 3rd, 2009
Ice
Well for the first time in well over 5 years I have fallen on the ice. And I do mean it sucked. It was cold and sudden and painful. I am not dead nor did I break the bone this time. But I am hurt and when it happened it was 5:30 am I was on my way out to the car so I guess its great no one was there to see it, but also no one was there to ---1 help me up, --2 help me to the car, -- or 3 make fun of me. I think in the absence of three I can sacrifice one and two. Yes in retrospect I think it is definitely acceptable.
Off to the grind
kisses
-k
Jan 15th, 2009
last night
I met her, she is great. she gives me power, and a reason to do things to him. I like her. I think she can keep me.
Jan 9th, 2009
OH MY FUCKING GODDESS
Yes Virginia there is a Santa Clause!
Do you know what this beautiful wonderful gorgious man just told me. hehe
I am almost giddy.
Dec 30th, 2008
last sunday
There’s a couple I know they consist of a guy named Chris and a chick named Tina. The first time I met them Tina offered me her husband. The second time I met them she did it again. So I decided to take her up on her offer.
We met up at their place at about 2 and watch a show on TV and chatted. Decided what we wanted to do set limits and went to the dungeon. They have a great place I tell you.
Lets see we tried the spanking bench and he demonstrated the difference between “sting” and “thud” as they pertain to sensation basic working out a useful vocabulary. And I was able to better judge what I do and do not like and why. He had a great time whipping me with this set of straps. I was having a crazy good time and then he was fingering my pussy and whipping me I was in heaven and cuming uncontrollably. There was some cane action but I can’t rightly tell you when it happened. Then he covered me with a super soft blanket thing and detached the chains and took me to bed.
I thought I was getting a nice brake, no he had other ideas. The spanking bench is nice but you only get to torment one side of the body. So his idea was to get the front. He put clamps on my nipples and proceeded to see just how many he could get on my tits. We ran out at 100. I will take some more next time. After he had taken all the clamps off except the ones on my nipples he licked my pussy and pulled on those two clamps I was screaming and cuming and it was fantastic. Somewhere at the height of the last orgasm he took off the clamps and when I came back to myself he was sucking my nipples.
We just kinda lay there all evening and talked and made out and it was nice no real sex though but there was a ton or oral going on.
To bottom without submission
This is what he said. "Just because you bottom doesn't mean you have to submit." At the time whispered in my ear... exactly what I wanted to hear. So the new question. Is this possible?, or is it just the starting lure. I once heard him tell a friend, "Make them comfortable and they will hand you their soul." At the time I thought he was kidding. but now I don't know
Dec 5th, 2008
I need a vacation
OK I was actually doing ok for a little bit. But now i am done. they can take the rest of this month and shove it.
Dec 3rd, 2008
Confused RunOn
I need something I am so listless right now. and to be honest the first time I have had energy to do anything constructive was for about a week after the sourness went away from my first whippin. OK you being a more normal person may not know what it is like to live in a perpetual depressed state its called dysthymia, which breaks down to having been depressed since puberty. No real lasting treatment. and I can't stay with the habitual things I need to do to change it. Like socializing, diet, exercise, housework. I have no stick to it ness. my thought being; can I find this motivation outside myself without losing too much of myself in the bargain. I mean I am a capable person I just don't do anything. ever. at the moment I have a tiny trickle of encouragement but now that I know I don't have to do anything he wants me to do and he will never know. it kinda killed that. some kind of accountability or something. but I guess i may just need to find someone who i can't conceal from. OK granted there is a class of male that always starts there but they always end up Right back in the pack. Not that the pack is a bad place to be i just don't feel the necessity to make them happy above my own. That feeling is usually fleeting at best. Maybe I am just don't to have to come to grips with the fact that I am overly complicated and that I will probably always be a little unsatisfied.
Dec 3rd, 2008
Wednesday bust
Well that's just great.
I am all cute and he is not even going to show up. Asshole. so what if you are sick and dying.
DAMN IT
I need attention.
Freaken great now I have to feel all bad cause I want the attention more then I care about his health. I am ok with that. or i will be
Dec 2nd, 2008
What was that
I agreed to lunch
what was I thinking
No I don't think I am thinking. I got to use my brain not my libido to think with. OK.
Here's what we are going to do. Under no circumstances are we going to go straight to that lunch and tell him exactly what we think.
NO we do not want a relationship with him. But would appreciate some help in finding a suitable play partner.
OK that's the best thing to do.
That will keep us out of trouble and fights
OK that's what we are going to do if the resolve holds out.
Goddess help me keep away from this man
I know what it is about him. I have a slight problem with men like him. I want to fight and they are more then willing to give me one. Just hope there are more where he came from.
feeling the need to just escape
Damn who would have though that I could sit and stress about something so damn easy.
wow I am so freaken girlie at times it scares me.
Dec 2nd, 2008
swirling thoughts
Dec 1st, 2008
feelin too much
Can't think of anything else besides things I shouldn't
I know that a friend of mine is involved with him but he keeps on doing things that are not fair
how the hell am I supposed to be all on the side of good when someone is waving the bad things in my face
telling me I can have whatever i want
What the fuck is that about
i mean really
it just isn't fair to say to someone " you know you want it you know you can have it you just have to pay for it"
Torturous bastard.
It is not fair. I don't even really know anything about this person and I am tied between wanting to flog him till he bleeds. and wanting that treatment.
Conflicted
Just want to tear his head off and kick it.
Nov 17th, 2008
Morning
People are buying Christmas trees. it is the 17Th of November. What the hell is wrong with people. If you get a real tree this early it will be a big stick by new years. I guess they don't keep them up till Easter like my family always does. How odd, to me the Christmas tree is something that is done right after the 1st of December. sometimes closer to the actual day depending on money and time to take care of it. Cause if you want those puppies to last you have to give them care and lots of attention.
Nov 12th, 2008
Saw another one
Saw another deer last night. Just walking through my yard. he was small. little tiny antlers, kinda healthy looking though. Very pretty. I almost missed him. I was in my car coming home from the grocery store. I pulled in. got out of the car and looked over the car and there he was about 15 feet away just looking at me. He kinda looks up the yard and walks along looking over at me to see what I am doing. then he is gone. So I get out and take my things into the garage. When I come back out for the next load he is there again looking out of small hedge at me. So I watch him for a little while and when he seams disintested in me I went on with getting the groceries. He didn't run off just stepped back a bit when I came around to empty the car on his side. it was cool.
Its here again
Mondays are such a suck morning. Not that I am a morning person at all. Really those first hours of the day I might be awake because I like to see the sun rise but that doesn't mean I want to deal with ignorance at o'dark-thirty. I mean really. Who made it a law that the best hours of the day we either have to spend in traffic or sitting at out desks wonder why the hell we got out of the bed. Oh man I need to pep up before I become the HR problem again. Eh I hate people. OK that's not true I hate the stupid, backwards, pain in the ass, shit that people do when they think they can get away with it.
Woke up feeling good
Well didn't wake up feeling good. Woke up to anxiety and a feeling of dread just like the last election. This time though I was pleasantly surprised as I walked to the computer to see all that blue in the right places.
I am happy. feeling optimistic for the first time in a long time. And really to be honest I just wanted to get back in my bed and wait for the new day to dawn. there is so much work to do to repair all this damage. But we have taken the first step. Thumbs Up to all who went out and voted. Who showed their support. And for all those Black People for McCain. You should be ashamed of yourselves... FOR-REAL MCCAIN. I am glad the brainwash didn't take all over.
Oct 27th, 2008
Monday Monday
OK it is Monday and I am here at work trying not to get fired as usual. But today is a Monday with a plan. And a new outlook on things forgotten. Not yelling nearly as much but still want to do away with some people. But I am getting laid so not too much to complain about. and whats the point at times you think people are there and care and at other times you wish you could just take all your money and leave town.... Fill the gas tank and just live where it runs out.
Sunday Round 2
Raise head look around take a languid stretch mind the sore spots.
No longer nervous. Kinda feeling hungry for more.
A St. Andrews Cross, Intimidating thing, tall and cool to the touch, smooth, hard.
What people are talking to me gotta sit up from my comfy slumped over warm place on the super great couch.
So when can we start. Yeah Now is good. Up and down to the knees to get shackled. back up to get chained onto this monstrosity of wood and metal. very cool on my naked warm skin. Blindfold lowered. Silence movement
It has begun again shoulders first spatula I think. stingy and dull nice relaxing. Feels great I think there are two. I think this is so wonderful ... squeal.... that's so freaken sore so nice hurt it again.
there is a spiky thing sunning down my body very sharp tickly there .. and there. and I like it .
stranger sensation making me kinda squirmy - told to stay still for the knife. oh and my favorite flogger is back all over my body is nice sharp there,... leather strap thing is hurting .... moaning and nearly climbing this cross. Intense and want more harder longer more now. Feeling incredible as more implements are passed over my body, thoughts faded floating on the sensations. Nearly cum as something is clamped onto my nipples, if feel so fucking good want more. getting a little loud to myself moment to breath good. Yes I am breathing. flogged whipped clams removed, god I love that part. want them back on but I am being taken down again. felt like minutes was 45 of them told I need to rest a sec while they set up a Violet wand to work out. Tom walks through makes a safety check as I straddle a chair. I'm good. Oh that tingles can it go higher. I feel it better now higher oh. Right there. OK this is an intensely surprisingly erotic sensation that tingles the tows and makes the nipples seam to itch or tingle or vibrate yes vibrate. Shown items as they are being tried. a fluorescent tube with prongs on the end light up as contact is made. so cool and huts in a hard way shit shit shit "shit... shits not the safe word" I am told and it continues to travel liquid fire up my back shiny streamer looking thing "Wand Flogger" is pretty don't see how that will work. Works great.... ever little tiny mylar fringe shocks are moved over my gyrating flesh. I am in love. Want more need more guess I gotta get dressed now. not at all what I want to do but hey it was grand And yes I will be doing this again as soon as I can.
Sunday round 1
My mood: very delighted
Sunday after a good two days of sex with me hubby I have an appointment for more forms or torture. Limping on one hip already this ought to be good.
Driving slow to pick up the stand in ass whipper. trying to be calm in the traffic that is killing me a little, grab Chele and head out to the dungeon. Takes a while with traffic and trying to stay calm as to not overly agitate the one who will be responsible for my pain this evening.
Arrive at a picturesque setting complete with dogs and a lake, what a place to be nude.
So into the house we go super nice place with a basement that is to die for.
Dungeon out of a nice dirty mag really. Spanking bench and St. Andrew's cross in cherry finish, steel tie-downs, and leather padding. in short heaven, and that's just the first room
around to the left there is a lovely massage table next to a small end table filled with a wax bath and an assortment of candles. Continue through and there is a huge soft king size bed with tons of pillows.
so we go on in and start unpacking as our host is out but on the way. so she opens up a bag that holds a lot of shit and starts pulling out these THINGS
3 floggers
Ridding Bat
Dogging Bat
3 paddles
clamps
and a blindfold
And this is supposed to be the starter kit.
I am nervous at this point in my bra and panties stalling like a virgin.
OK run to car o clear head. Pace a bit and drink juice. Think that the no play under the influence is a suck rule. suck it up and go back inside it is cold out here.
Inside trying on the bench for size and shortening it for comfort. it has a nice weight hella sturdy and supportive without being hard nice construction.
Can I get the blindfold now.... apparently only naked people get blindfolds so off it all came
I am getting shackled and being made to sit on my knees. none too sure about that one. working through it.
led to the bench and draped across it to find a comfortable position. not bad kinda odd on the tits but they seam to be working it out with the help of gravity.
I get my blindfold and am chained to it. Am instructed to not talk, scream all I want, answer the question and stay otherwise silent
Not sure about this leather and its potential to stick to my ....
not thinking about that anymore as the first flogger makes a silent arch and contacts with my ass all unexpectedly. Not bad didn't hurt now that one kinda did. and that next . and the next.
different pain now lovely pain glancing off parts of me in really nice ways.
wonder if I can get hit harder. Not supposed to talk, ok decide to stay quiet as the object changes and I like the feel so much just makes me whimper into the leather pillow.
think I am biting it a bit so shift a bit... change again and this one hurts really nicely intencly want it harder felling really nice and the blur begins, I can hear myself I can hear the questions, saftly checks mostly, must breath, fell the pressure, breath, can't breath know I need to stop holding my breath can't..... that fixed it. back to that hard flogger that is just wonderful. can't really identify anything else like it so know it. Everything else blurs. long pause wonder whats going on over.... never mind hard unidentifiable thing contacting my ass want more harder faster. What question missed one I don't know umm maybe " brain screaming just hit me again"
gota think here yes I am ok. nice hot hands rubbing me with lotion nice soothing. feels great.
I am unchained and covered in something that feels like warm fuzzy. dizzy now stay here for a little bit. yes i am ok. its only been a few minutes why do I gotta get down. oh an hour and some. really didn't notice all that. ok i guess i could do with a rest.
can i do it again
in a little bit great. snuggle down in the bestist couch on earth. dark
Ouch Ouch Ouch
OK gave it a try. Had a great time. tried out a bunch of stuff. ready for more.
Oct 9th, 2008
only one nostril
OK so I have only one nostril. well I have two but only one is working at the moment. Got a sinus infection over last weekend and it is still kicking my bootie with all kinds of meds and things trying to chase it down. I am so tired. but I have slept a bunch and can't do it any more. AAAAAHHH I hate being sick. Time to find another movie.
Number 1
Sep 24th, 2008
Well it was a year
Well last night was our first anniversary. I got NOTHING, no card, no gift, no flowers, no happy anniversary kiss in the morning. I did get a happy anniversary just before bed. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED. I don't feel very appreciated today needless to say. so kiss my ass if I am not a fucking ray of sunshine.
Sep 19th, 2008
TIme to throw out the 20s
Got dressed today and because of the pants too damn big situation yesterday I decided to try on some pants I havn't been able to wear in a long time. Guess what they fit, Not even tight cutting off the circulation but they fit. Pulled them up buttoned and comfortable. so this weekend it is out with the size 20s and in with the 18s. Its going to be a great weekend.
-k
Sep 15th, 2008
People
Why is it that it seams that some people are not happy unless they are screwing something up for other people? What the hell is up with that?
Monday
I don't feel good today. Feel alone lonely and like I might never be happy again, where is that dementor and can I kill it. I guess it would be best if we could blame out shitty moods on creatures of darkness. But alas no such luck. I do not want to go back on the medication cause my family makes me hate myself my life and all of them. and my job likes to pitch in to tell me how worthless I am not the existence of anything. freaken yeah. So poor pissed lonely unhappy broke pathetic lack luster un-achieving deadend lost
Sep 3rd, 2008
First day of school
I mean YEAH FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. I don't have to hear "Im bored" and have no defense for the next 9 months. WOO HOOOO Now I can say go get your ______ project or ______ book you need to get read, or _____ work for that class. I never thought I would look forward to the beginning of school. but summer vacation to poor parents is just another reminder of what you can't do for your family because the national income has ballooned to where you can't have kids without 2 large incomes. We are neglecting our youth and blaming parents when their kids do illegal shit. Well guess what if all they see are people who don't really care about them IE day care, sacc programs, YMCA programs, What the hell do people expect.
To day is mon day
I am here it seams to be shaping up to be a good day. if not so what. then tomorrow will be better
Here we are
Sitting on a Tuesday wondering why the hell I come in here every fucking day. But then I remember fuck I need food and roof over my head and all that shit I didn't need as a reckless teen. I miss no obligations. don't get me wrong I love my family but shit sometimes I wish I could pack up my car and just drive off.
It'll pass.... I hope
Oh why isn't it Friday
Would be nice but it is just Thursday. People are complaining and slacking off and I am working my ass off. Not at all a situation that I like. But I get my shit done no matter what. OK back to the grind just needed a second.
Tuesday
Well it is Tuesday and I am at work again. Man do we really need to do this 5 days a week. I think I could get the same amount done in 4 - 10 hour days. but nnnooo my company has to suck. Well I am here and feeling kinda good today i just put on a skirt this morning out the closet and it is too big. I wore it anyways cause I couldn't find another black skirt of the right material and length so here I am with my skirt spinning and I don't care I am shrinking finally. YA diet and exercise!!
Aug 1st, 2008
I NEED A NEW FUCKING JOB
I am so sick of these people. I need out. I stuck it out in college and got a double major to go to work right at the beginning of the shrub years... no good pay, worse job moral, and even worse commute. Now I am still her 3 years later FUCK in 10 days it will be 3 years, 3 long hard tiring years. MAN I need out.
Wednesday
I am older and maybe a little wiser. At work before the sun and thinking about the weekend already.
Today is My BIRTHDAY!!
OK today is my Birthday and last night I started my new work out regiment. So I think I am doing good. Now if I can just keep all the bad thoughts and negativity of the world away from me I might be able to keep it up...
Live it Like it Love it
My mood: extremely feisty
Posted by KaysFun at 10:29 on Jul 29th, 2008 (updated Jul 29th, 2008) |
Tuesday, May 19
Consolidation Time
Wednesday, January 30
EVERYBODY'S A CROOK
So thankfunnu
Monday, January 7
Well that was a scary week
1 month NO meds for anyone in the house. BAD BAD BAD MISTAKE.
I suffer from Depressions and Charles suffers from ADD (well it is more like he has it and I suffer from it)
But we are going to be fine so long as we can remember to get our damn medications ON TIME
shit.
weddings and trips and crap will throw it all out of your mind. Let that be a lesson I guess
Later peoples (person - I know there is only like 1 or 2 at the most reading this thing)
and I didn't kill anyone
WEE I don't look good in Prison Grey
-K
Tuesday, January 1
Sorry for the absence
stuck in a job i hate but can't quit cause i have to have the income to pay for the degree that got me the job i hate
got married and now i hate him too i guess theres no makeing some people happy
the only good thing is i am looking fabu losing a bunch of weight and getting back in shape mostly cause i don't have time to eat taking car of my new ready made family
well at least a few more years before i can't take it and hop a plane to another country to get away from it all
for now i sit and wonder just how funny god thinks it is to stick me with this life and this mental mess not that i am at all surprised wen you look at the rest of the world i guess i have it pretty good at least i am not dead yet though if i were just a bit of a weaker person i could just sink right into that thought and be done with it
i need a vacation from my damn life
well i will write again when i have something less complainer like to say
all the good men are gay too damn far away or dead
Thursday, December 6
Long Time Out
OK so it has been a while since the wedding finished out. But I tell you what.
It has been great. Well let's start back at the bridal shower. hehe
OK so I had a Slumber Parties Toy party for mine. I made a wishlist board so that if people didn't want to know what they bought me they didn't have too. But of course at the end of the party we had a huge unveiling of what people had gotten me. WOO HOO. I am still in love with all the stuff. I tell you what the Sports Sheets Company deserves the Nobel Peace Prize.
So I got a big box of things that vibrate, look good, smell nice, fill deeply and play hard and fun. So Charles and I decided to take a long weekend a month or so after the wedding cause life was kicking out asses. We were at each other's throats in the attempt to blend households into one. AND we weren't even halfway there yet. So the occasion came to get a nice hotel room and just be us. I jumped all over it and pulled Charles and a bit bag of toys right along with me.
I got to be tied up and spanked, fucked every which way that is possible and got to reciprocate it all. And let me tell you I am still crazy hot for me new husband as I had been for my boyfriend. I was a little worried about that as all the honeymoon feelings started to ware off with all the stress. But now I know just a hard freaky weekend can charge it all back up.
later
-Me
Friday, October 12
Tuesday, September 25
Good morning people of the internet
It is Tuesday we got hitched on Sunday. So I have come up for air and thought I would blog in the situation. First of all every woman out there know this up front that during the ordeal (unless you be 18 and mommy and daddy are paying) you are going to at some point want to say Fuck all you people I am going to Vegas. This is normal and the result of hemorrhaging thousands of dollars at a time out of your pockets. It feels horrid….
Now to the good stuff.
OK the festivities actually started Saturday night with the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. The rehearsal went well except for the time overages fees we owe the church. But the dinner was awesome. We went to this Mediterranean place that had belly dancing. Great food and entertainment to take the stress off a little.
Then the day of. Dawn cracks and I role over to see that I am 2 hours late waking up. The I listen and no one else is up either Most of the wedding party stayed at my house. So I Start To PANIC. I got up screaming and yelling to Harold the arrival of BRIDZILLA squisher of egos and slapper of faces. The stress was unbelievable. People ask you stupid questions like, "do you know where the ring bearer's shirt is?" I am the freaken bride why would I know the answer to that. We have children handlers for that shit.
And this is the day where for faith that the human race is progressing as a species. People ask the same questions repeatedly and get on your last nerve and have the foolishness to tell you to calm down. Lord I am amazed that the day went off without me having to kill anyone.
But it did and I looked great and it was wonderful
Then off to shake it at the reception. I only have one to two songs that I dance to. I love music I just have asthma so there isn't a whole lot of dancing going on with me. But I did the one good song with my new hubby and he was happy. After that it was time for the wedding night.
OK we originally were not going to go anywhere. Seeing as we have a little person who needs to get to school Monday morning. But we got the hey we have the school thing covered (thank the goddess for grandparents) and the hotel is waiting (thanks again to the best man, Sean you are a prince "that Charles's brother")…. Any hoo I just wanted to extol the virtues of hot tubs and silicone lube. Man it is like the stuff was invented for water. But that is as far as I am going to get into that at this second. Check back for further details.
Well now I am back at work so I guess I have to look like I am doing something besides blogging. Later people
-Kay
Wednesday, September 12
2 for 2 this week
And by the way chasing your girl around a room then spanking her after you catch her - Not the best way to say I am not in the mood. A+ for getting things started. OK time to take a nap at my desk while everyone else is at lunch.
Peace love and good sex to all
-Kay
Tuesday, September 11
Sex so good I had to blog on it.
OK sorry I have been kinda out of the loop on keeping this the up to date. Well lets get into why.
NO SLEEP
OK school has kicked in and Charles has a little-little girl in elementary school so as the almost Step mommy it is up to me to outfit things like bras and feminine lecture talk and things like that. I think I did more research on how to tell a little girl about "becoming a lady" then I did on my senior thesis in college. Well it is done we now just wait on it all.. but in the mean time I shall catch you all up on how things have been going. The wedding is creeping around the corner and I don't know I think that coupled with all this wine tasting for the reception is giving me great nights people. Thank the Goddess for sound proof walls. Before these were discovered how the hell did parents have good sex in the house. I think it just all stopped when the kids came home. But I am pleased to report that sound proofing is wonderful stuff. Because if we didn't wake the block lat night that stuff was doing its damn job. We had a wind tasting Monday night to finalize the wine / champagne list for the reception. Wow get a little alcohol into him and he will just keep going and going. so 4 hours 4 condoms and a filled SD card later exhausted and sweaty, sated and oddly fixated on his member I went to sleep this morning around 1am only to awaken at 515, That would be the time I should leave the house and I was just jumping out of my bed. Well easing out. We overdid a couple of those positions. But I have a happy set of throbbing tingles between my legs today and a stupid smile on my face.
Now if I can pull this behavior back to once maybe twice a week then I would be OK. But Charles seams to think it is a every other day kind of thing; Now there's the exhausting part. i am so happy and so tired. I have no balance to it all. I think I should start a nice vitamin regiment or something so I can keep up. I tell you what. ALL the ladies out there and most of the men - Heed my warning, if you give your partner a weekend of all about them sex it will blow their sex drive out of proportion, but you have to continue to give them what they want while getting what you want. Well then I guess if you both can be into the same kink it is a plus. But you never know unless you try.
I wish great sex and restful sleep to all
It is going to be a great Tuesday
-Kay
Wednesday, September 5
People and their crap
I am in a long term relationship which is about to become a marriage. Thank you. Thank you. But what most of these over thirty single "I have to have it all my way" fools don't realize is that this kind of thing takes time and commitment, sacrifice and forward movement in the life path the two of you have chosen TOGETHER.... Not one person calling all the shots and expecting the other to jump.
That kind of stupid thinking will get you to forty and single. Give and take is what it is all about and once they all get to experience real honest love and not just what is going on between their legs then they might understand. But until then I will leave them to their broke-ass playa boy friends and friends with benefits. Not to Down all my playas out there and lord knows I have loved some friends with benefits but damn I think it is time for us all to grow the hell up and realize that sometimes everyone has to pitch in and get life taken care of no matter what.
SO QUIT YER BITCHEN. and move on
-Kay
Tuesday, August 14
SOMETHING IN THE WATER
OK I just had a hella tiring weekend of sex. it started on Thursday of last week. I got Friday off but paid for it Saturday.... three times. Then I took Monday so someone thought it was ok to keep me up late Sunday night. Then Monday night roles around and its like well why not...
Oh man I can't believe I have been expected to put out like this and still go to work the next day. SHIT I am tired…. They should have a "my pussy needs a day off" holiday. I think I am going to go sleep on the couch tonight so I can get some rest.
Now I am at work Balls early and people want stuff that I have no idea where they are.
Not to mention I am not mentally here. I can still feel my soft pillow and those cozy blankets.
I think that the government is drugging us though out water supply. there is no reason for the man to be that freakin horny for this many days straight. I am going to have to see how long this is going to last. I should keep a calendar of this activity and see who started it and how frequent these things are.
Oh to have time off on the weekends to do nothing but sleep. I miss those days. I think they call that time "the single life"… Hell I am never going to get that back.
Well I am going to go pretend to be working.
-later
Monday, August 6
Laundry
I do not mind the usual level of work that is associated with a house hold. But when I have to do all the damn cooking and cleaning something is wrong. If you aren't man enough to bust a load of laundry you better get a service. And if you are not cooking you better do the damn dishes BEFORE you go to bed. There is nothing more demoralizing than having to do the dishes before you start to cook a meal for your family.
Im Out
Thursday, August 2
HEY PEOPLE
Sorry but I am getting married in 52 days so cut me some slack.
I was going to make my dress but I decided to buy on the spur of the moment last night. It is the HOTNESS
I am going to post a pic up here as soon as I cut it down.
But that is what I get for going with the bridesmaids to the shop to get their dresses. They all talked me into getting a dress. but we look Fierce together.
Well later people
PS
the long sex weekend a while back went Freak Nasty Great. More sex than you can shake a stick at. Updates later
Wednesday, July 11
THE INCOMPATIBLE
Don't get me wrong I love Charles like no man I have ever known. But the problem is he is an exhibitionist and I an so not at all. I am a behind closed doors kind of gal. I am a little freak behind those closed doors but I believe in the door. Not that I mean in the bedroom, just in the damn house. or a very secluded place out doors. but not in from of total strangers. What the hell right. AND I hate the fact that it feels like we are bringing people into our sex lives.
Now the true problem.
We have some friends who are well a little voyeuristic right so he gets a kick over tacking me engaging in sexual activities where he knows these people can either hear or might walk in. So that really does give the impression to these folks that we are inviting them into out sex lives. they are in a poly amorous relationship and group sex is no new thing to them. It is to me and I am going to keep it that way so long as I live.
I am having the worse time trying to explain these things to him in a way that will not sound like "hey I hate your kink"
I have some serious ones and he didn't balk at the custom cuffs I had made or the floggers or the fun getaway learning retreats we took through a great organization here in our area. I just can't get over it. It is killing me I always thought I was the classic GGG girlfriend (that's good giving and game for those of you who don't read The Love).
OK so I have decided to meditate on this. And I came to the conclusion that I needed the freak credits so I better put in the time.
We are going away next weekend to a convention and I decided that if he needs to be public at times what better time then with a bunch of people who I don't know and only see like once a year, and some of them are freakier than us so I am going to just let him go as far as he needs to. Short of dropping out a tit on the promenade. So I am getting out the thigh high leather boots and my best GGG attitude and making the weekend all about him and his myriad of kink. So watch out People of the windy city.
Later people I will let you all know how it pans out. Did I mention we are sharing a suite with these same voyeuristic people hehe!.!.!.!.
-Kay
Tuesday, July 3
The terror of it all
Later
Monday, June 11
Short Weekend
"Gratitude to the cosmos
swirling masses of dancers
dancer atoms
dancer gasses
dancer people
dancer animal people
dancer rocks
dancer of endless possibility
dancing emptiness
dancing reaches
& dancing arcs of outer space
dancing of all things that have ever been
and will ever be
Gratitude to the cosmos
And blessings."
Blessed be.
Tuesday, May 22
I do declare
-Kay
Friday, May 18
Rekindling the magic.
So that was a confusing two weeks or so. So now I am here. My cold feet are gone and I am still loving the man I came with. I think I want to plan us a weekend getaway with all the trimmings. Hotel, hot tub, room service, and all the freaky sex that can be fit into 2 days without too much injury. So Far I have the toy box packed, 3 bottles of our favorite wines, picnic basket ready to be packed. Now all I need do is go shopping for something nice tight crotchless with loads of cleavage. Not a problem.
Will report back on the progress of said weekend. I am just sorry that it can't happen this weekend. That would have been great. But what can you say.
-Kay
Wednesday, May 16
Things look clearer In the morning
-Kay
Tuesday, May 15
Confusion
I am so Confused and I have nothing to tell myself to make it all better.
I made a mistake, that doesn't feel like a mistake. I was tooling around online last night, I am an insomniac, and I started to chat with this random guy. No biggie Charles knows that I am a normal person and I talk to other people. Well I ended up in a voice chat with this guy Sam he was so comforting and I don't know It was all so innocent at first. We grew up in adjacent areas and were talking about how much things have changed and where we think the city is headed. Some how things moved into a more adult area, about some clubs that used to exist and experiences there in. So needless to say I ended up have some great cyber with this guy. Which to date the last time that kind of thing happened it was with this hot guy from overseas when I was like 18. So I am freaked. Charles is not a super jealous guy but we do have a ask for approval policy which neither of us has ever violated to my knowledge.
He is my problem, I love Charles and I would never do anything to hurt him intentionally I want to know where this Sam thing came from. How do I get around the analyzing it to see what the hell is on the other side? How do I look through the emo without jumping ship and moving on. Which I do not want to do. I just love attentions from men: Not sexual directly, but sexually fueled.
Oh Gods things are all messed up. I am now sitting at work thinking about last night and DAMN it was so hot. Not that Charles is not the shit in bed but damn that man is good. I am a very shy person with new people even people I chat with online. But I found myself opening to this complete stranger and I liked the feel of slight vulnerability with the safety of being home and not being pressured to go meet this guy even though we live less than 40 miles from each other.
SHIT. OK nothing more now. I am going to go out for a walk and see what I can come up with.
Friday, May 11
Good morning Folks Just a little thought
Long overdue - Day One
These are the shoes I wore yesterday. They are one of my favorite pairs. I wore them a while back with some Rose patterned stockings that I couldn't find for this day but you will see them eventually.
Sunday, April 8
New Revelation
Long live the shoes.
-Kay
Friday, April 6
LIFE SUCKS
just a pure dumb-ass
Oh well
and yeah I am not dying.
after hundreds in fucking medical costs I am not even going to have a surgery,
FUCK
It would be nice to be home from work for a week or two on sick leave. I bet they are rethinking that home "Unlimited" sick leave policy of theirs.
Oh well here I am poor and a month behind on my bills because of it. but I guess that is my problem. I should have just went to my very good friend M and gotten some pain killers and just waited it out. which is what I paid all this damn money to do. I got a work excuse and that was all.
Man the american medical system sucks big fat hairy sweaty monkey balls.
They run 2 grand worth of tests and all they can tell you is UM it went away so we are not worried that we didn't find anything wrong with you. they could have said your 7th chakra was out of alignment and the great circle of tirnine granted you cleansing.
But that is just me running off at the fingertips.
Night night all
Sunday, April 1
SICK
Not dying yet but wish I was. There is nothing worse than being sick when
u have things to do. Things u actually want to do. Nuts, now I am stuck. not
dead but feeling as though that where not such a bad state.
I do however get to try out Charles' new pocket pc thingie. Tiz cool
to surf from bed. guess it is all bad.
Though the touch screen typing thing is kinda hard.
Oh well, I guess I have to deal. I will check in later.
KAY
PS
Jan - can u call me monday. thanks