Its another fine monday

Hot outside already and its 6 in the morning when I am beginning this post.

After a weekend of not too crappy I'm back at work. By not too crappy I mean a visit from the hated auntie and sitting in bed watching movies. Life is kinda boring right now. but I am catching up on all the movies I missed 2007-2010. Some of them weren't bad but the disaster movies mostly all sucked.  I have an fully empty DVR this morning as well. Falling Sky's TOTAL PASS!!!! they are great. I love the harnessed kids. Depression running pretty much rampant even with medication. So right now its all about not watching anything sad. So I have sworn off the Lifetime Movie network till its over. Also watermelon Ice Cream isn't the same. But colder. Random happy thought - Purple People Eater

 

Cheated

That's all hope is. Its the promise that lays out in front of you. Your mind begins to make plans and dream of "how it could be". then it all fails and you are cheated out of it all. Usually with little to no warning.  Your mind is ripped out of the thought that anything is going to be fine. There is really no use to keeping up the charade. living without hope is just easier. I don't need fantastic men showing up just to slap me in the face with the "you aren't good enough". when what they mean is. you are fine to wet my dick but you aren't good enough for me to care. And the next bitch who say "when you are pretty its easy" I am going to fuck that bitch up. You know what being pretty has got me. I been used as a trophy. chased for conquest and left cause "you're not the kind for a relationship" apparently women think pretty women have all the men and all the men think pretty woman are going to fuck their friends. I feel lost and really wish I had stuck with my usual and kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. When you are waiting for it it hurts a little less... .... ... a little. But when you give in and start to believe the hype and buy into the shit that's when they get you really good. Then you find yourself sitting in bed in the dark wasting a Sunday on bad movies and a huge bag of chips. I will be fine but I will never again buy into the shit. Not as long as I live breath. There really is no reason to even believe any man's hype at this age. 

And its a wrap

I am here. about to turn 31 in a week or so and I am back where I was when I was 23 and fresh out of college. Single, living with my mother, broke..... Oh wait no I am worse off then when I was at 23 I am making 12 an hour instead of 21 and I have no transportation but the bus.  So nice of life to back step for me. Now I sit spinning my wheels as I have no Idea how to deal with all this. Looks like another birthday from the bottom of a bottle.

 

 

 

How to spend lotto money

 

Cash that check. Pay every bill in full that can be found consulting credit history to make sure I get every single bill.

 

Then rent a car hauler and a driver

 

drive up the highway and purchase used cars for everyone.

Me

Mom

Dad

Man

Brothers - 4

Sisters - 2

 

Contact local realtor who specializes in foreclosures.

buy everyone a house

Me

Mom

Dad

Man

Brothers - 4

Sisters - 2

 

Donate all my sensible work clothes and shoes to Dress For Success

 

Get local workers, movers, handymen, plumbers, and contractors to refit houses and make renovations.

 

 

Well life

Well life is just going right along.

low paying job... but employed.

living in a basement hole.... but I have a roof over my head.

chicken every night.... but I have food on the table.

stuck between a rock and a hard place.... but not falling into the chasm.

All in all I don't have what I want but can be thankful that i am not as bad off as I could be.

you know what

Sometimes you have to sit back and think really hard to find anything to be happy about thankful for or feel good about. I woke up this morning. I am healthy enough to walk the 3/4 mile to get to my job from the bus. And todays bus had aircondisioning. I have a job. My parents are still with me. My family is relitivly healthy. Thank you for small blessings.