Long few days

Haven't slept too much. My mom is ok though so thats one thing off my mind.

I need a vacation.

 

 

Feelin super today

Well today is looking up. Things are better with the man. I don't get men. And I probably never will but hey. Breakfast was nice. And Lunch was nice too. I won't get to see my sexy man for a couple of days but at least we are OK on day three of the new regime of working out. Its going well. Belly dance is kicking me right in the belly. My stomach feel like I been punched repeatedly. Totally worth the pain. I will be measuring and getting on the scale after a week. I hope something has happened. Something good. Like 5 gone. that would be awesome. But anything down is good.

 

 

 

 

A little birdie told me

As I sit here listening to your words fall from someone else's  mouth about how I am just not worth it. It.. the aggravation of dealing with me on the daily. Well excuse me. The least you could have done was say something to me. to my fucking face. Don't spend another day looking at me asking if something is wrong with me. Buddy at that point I didn't even know you had thrown me to the fucking curb. I guess Im just here now waiting on the memo you cowardly sorry sot. Got to be some kind of record. From love of his life to the straw that broke the camels back in less then 48 hours. Gifted I am.  Whatever. As I sit and wait for the other shoe to drop. Or for me to get tired of it and throw it in his face. I guess this little non relationship has about a 4 day shelf life left. less if he actually calls or anything like that. but Im not expecting anything but a long pause. Then I call to say whats wrong you just aren't talking to me anymore. then his lame ass late as fuck "Im just not feeling you right now, can't we just be friends with benefits". Fuck you and the bus you rode in on.

 

 

Technical difficulties can get you killed.

 

After 4 days of waiting for my "call back" I wasn't going to pick  up the phone. someone called my work phone from a number I didn't recognise so I called him again.  First words out of his mouth after I broke down and called were, took you long enough. I was like. WTF I been calling you for 4 days. I wasn't even going to call today at all. He was like. what babe you know I ain't blah blah blah. Broken Sim card blah blah blah. Would have gotten your number from Matt but his daughter broke his phone blah blah blah. Well damn I mean really I know that it sounds plausible that everyone in the same house was having technical difficulties but OH MAN I still want to stab him little. But I am glad that he didn't roll out without a word to me. That shit has happened once and I still can't get over it. Damn we all have our baggage. I just wish mine wasn't all about me feeling useless, worthless, and unwanted. I mean fuck I am great. Why do I need to have these feelings. Who is this evil little voice inside me. That fucker needs a pimp slap.

 

Hump day

Well Wednesday is here. I am stuck her while the heads of families go off to my cousin's funeral delaying the results of my moms biopsy. She is unworried. Me. I am stressed beyond belief and can't sleep, am having intestinal difficulties and constant nausea. only got to wait till next Wednesday for it to be any better. I feel a cake-a-thon coming on. so much for loosing weight.

 

 

ITs a day

Really sometimes you wake up and get the feeling that the joke is on  you. I have had the my life is a joke feeling before. But here it comes again. My mom is now waiting to find out if she has cervical cancer. I don't have the resources for this nor do I have the energy to go through loosing a parent, maybe I never will. The I get to find out a close relitive on my mothers side passed away last week and the funeral is day after tomorrow. I can't go as I had to use all my vacation time to have hours on my pay check while my company was cyber fucked for a week straight. Today I've been at my desk going between silent crying and dozing off. So I am going to take my ass home and do the same.

Time marches on

Winter is coming. Halloween fast approaches, and Christmas is right around the corner. The year is slipping by. Still walking a mile to the bus in the evenings and any morning I can't get a ride. All that extra walking and I have gained weight.Well I guess I'm all ready for hibernation.